I was assaulted by my boyfriend’s friend and now my boyfriend doesn’t believe me, left me alone while I’m suicidal, and I don’t know how to cope

Hi everyone. I don’t really know where else to turn. I feel scared, abandoned, and like I’m losing my mind, and I just need support or perspective from anyone who has been through something similar.

A few days before my boyfriend left to go home to his family, I was assaulted by one of his friends. I told my boyfriend what happened and instead of believing me or supporting me, he took his friend’s side and made a threat to me when I tried to defend myself from the friend. He never confronted the friend, never asked what I needed, and made me feel like I was the problem.

I was devastated and in shock, and we had an argument where I said things I regret, but at one point he pushed me out of his way and I fell to the floor and hit the back of my head. He didn’t check on me, didn’t ask if I was hurt, just left me there.

Ever since that day, I have been in a really dark place emotionally. I’ve had suicidal thoughts and even attempted recently. I told him how bad I was feeling, but he still left on his trip and has basically abandoned me in our flat. Now he rarely replies, hasn’t called me, and is being cold and distant. He said he was coming back Saturday, but now he’s extended it to Monday because he went to London for a concert with his family. He was going back to be with his family because he was really struggling.

I feel like he’s going to come back just to break up with me, and I’m stuck here waiting for the emotional execution. I feel like a hostage to my own fear and heartbreak. I’m constantly panicking. I’ve been taking diazepam just to keep from completely falling apart.

I feel like everything is my fault.. the assault, the argument, the distance, even though I know deep down it shouldn’t be.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to breathe through the next days. I feel so alone and ashamed and broken.

He was always my rock. He has always taken care of me. He was my safe person. I don’t have anyone else I can count on, so it feels like I am losing everything.

If anyone has been through something like this, or has advice on how to cope, or just anything kind to say… I would really appreciate it.

I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy for feeling this way.