I cheated on my “situationship”.

I met a guy a few months after getting out of a long term relationship (4.5yrs). We have been talking for around 3 months. During this time he has mentioned he would like me to be his girlfriend twice. From the 2nd date I was upfront in the fact that I don’t feel ready for a relationship & I need to focus on myself & school for a while. I just didn’t feel ready to hop back into something serious.

During this time I began to slowly developed feelings for him, we slept together, I stayed at his house, I met his mom(she lives with him), he met my mom. We had gone on many dates, those of which he put a lot of effort & care into.

3 nights ago, I made out with a coworker drunkenly. Him & I never agreed technically on “exclusivity”. Immediately after the guilt hit me. I told him as soon as I could. I let him know this made me realize I want to be committed to him & in a relationship. This was a one time thing & I don’t plan to ever do it again.

He took some time to think, & the same night texted me ending things, gracefully & rightfully so. He told me he forgives me & I should forgive myself, & he told me he loved me, we’ve never said that before.

I am not looking for sympathy or for people to be kind to me. I’m just looking for what to do next.

The guilt is consuming me, knowing I hurt him. I feel deeply disturbed I could be this type of person. That I could inflict this pain onto someone. That my lack of integrity is so much so that I have to rely on “technicality’s” to make myself feel better. I could’ve just been a basic human being & offered him respect & thought about his feelings, but I was selfish. I’m just sick I hurt him. He truly was a caring, kind & genuine person. I feel like a cheater. I feel like a scum of a human being. I wish I could take his heart & fix it, but I want to give him the space he needs after ending things.