recovery tips please

hi! so i’ll try to make this short and sweet.

5 years ago i had anorexia, restricting type, got “better” but ended with bed because i did not get good professional help so basically got “healthy” because it made me gain a lot of weight but still was a mess inside. a few months ago i decided that i wanted to lose weight, and i convienced myself that i would do it in a healthy way this time, then i convinced myself that it was fine if i restricted a bit because i could “control it”, surprise to none, i relapsed, and much worse. i won’t say how muy i’ve lost because i don’t wanna trigger anyone, but it is a lot in a short amount of time. thing is, this time i’ve developed sort of a b/p cycle, and even though i “binge”, they’re under my “maintaince”. so basically, the reason i am writing this: i am scared, i’ve already reached out for help, but i won’t be seeing a therapist until nov 18, so three weeks, and i don’t know if i can make it that much longer. i eat a small amount of cals a day, and it has come to the point that my body “forces” me to purge even that, so i don’t know what to do, anything i eat makes me wanna purge because i hate the feeling of food in my body, i can’t stand it because it aches so bad, but i am tired of purging and also tired of the side effects of starvation, i feel dead, i only want to sleep and i really wanna recover and eat, because i am getting very thin and it’s starting to scare me a lot, but i don’t know how to do it without purging.

well, i don’t know if this makes sense or if anyone will read this but thanks in advance and sorry if there are any mistakes, english is not my first language.