The woman who has been 99% of my issues is now trying to be my bestie

If this gets deleted again, I'm not writting this a third time. I've been thinking about telling the internet my story for a long time, but I'm not sure I should.

My whole life is quite a sob story: I grew up in a family of 7: My drunkard dad, my mentally ill mom, me and 4 older siblings. We lived in a house with 2 rooms. 3 of my siblings lived elsewhere: 2 with my grandma, 1 with my aunt. The eldest brother stayed with me until I turned 8. He left for work by then. Before I turned 10, child services came and wanted to take me away. One good memory I had of him was when he was trying to get a new job and search a place for us to live in. After having an argument with my dad, I left and moved to my aunt's, so child services stopped bothering me. Dad didn't put up much of a fight, thinking maybe it'll be better for me(OTHER THAN HAVING FOOD EVERYDAY, IT HASN'T BEEN THAT MUCH BETTER). My dad was a terrible person: He SAed my mom, and that's why she was stuck with him, beat up my siblings and mother (never touched me though), took all their money as if being a drunkard wasn't enough of a bad thing. He's the one who assulted my mom until she became mentally ill.

After moving to my aunt's, life's been.. Shitty. They left 2 kids( Girl 3y/o, boy 5y/o) in the care of a 10 y/o who didn't learn how to do housework or take care of kids and anything else. Worst memory I have is my cousin (their mom) leaving for work in the morning and me having to literally block the door so that they wouldn't run after their mom. They used to hit me, pull me, just for me to get out of the way. Because of all the pent up frustration I had, I started hitting them back. This habit went on for 4 years. I still can't forgive myself for doing this. I used to sit them from 8 a.m to 4 p.m, feed them, clean the house, make the fire, and my aunt and cousin were always mad at me cuz the house wasn't cleaned the way they wanted it to be. They yelled at me, called me names and until I turned 14 when I snapped out of it, I was in depression caracterized by: suicidal thoughts, dissasociation, 1-2 hours long crying sessions, memory loss(there's still things I can't remeber) and I still can't keep grocery lists in mind, or small things I have to do and bring. Now, after I turned 18 I still have anxiety attacks, memory issues and crying sessions(very rare, but when they occur, they are 1-2 hour long and can happen 5-6 times a day)

My cousin had always been 99% of my issues: Left her kids with me, made me bring them up, do their homework(spent 4-6 hours in a day to solve their homework and mine too, this happened until last year when I was in 11th grade and started a conflict over the fact that I really don't have anymore time and they need to learn how to do it themselves), humiliated me, made me cry, didn't let me go out at all, she gone through my phone, diary, clothes, notebooks, used a monitorization app, acussing me of stealing a sum of money, and a phone, without any proof, just cuz she hated me. Being strict, as you may say, but being obsessive about it.

She was the one who made life terrible for me, the one who made me try to run away from home. I had some hope, maybe one day we would become friends or whatever. That didn't happen. Barely now that she divorced her last husband(very kind guy, but he was always at work outside of the country, and she hated him especially because he had a third child with her, that she left in my care, again) and is now dating a guy that is 12 years older than her, she finally stopped being the terrible person she used to be( She is not at home that much anymore, so she can't do the things she always did, she doesn't have any more time to do it). Now, as I turned 18 and detached from their issues and am focusing on school, she thinks I'm not telling her things on purpose. All my life she has never been a safe place for me to talk about anything, even though she complained about this for a long time. I can't deny she may have had good intentions but being obsessively strict doesn't do any good to anyone. Even though I saw the good will, I also saw her actions, words, suspicions, her yelling, her irresonabilty, her weaponization, her blaming and all the psychological damage she inflicted. I know all her issues. Can list them all, but she will never get to know me. It's too late. I don't fear her anymore and am also not trying to be her friend or sister or cousin anymore.

Last time we had this talk was yesterday. She annoyed me all day with stupid questions calling out to my morality: When I am old, will you help me? (Also talking about how her kids have the responsibility of helping her), and talking about whatever else she thought was bonding. She wouldn't let me study so I went away to study elsewhere, which made her mad. I came back to eat something I made her cook for me(my favourite food: potatoes with onion that she hadn't made in years). Afterwards she sat me down and made me listen to her ramble about all her issues in life right now, and about how she wanted to be like a sister to me cuz she never had a supportive mother(her mom(my aunt) is also wrong and right to do this at the same time, in different situations), and didn't want me to feel like she did. WELL SHE FUXKING DID AND SO MUCH WORSE. I told her about a few of the things she did but she didn't say sorry or look remoresful or anything. I never acted upon my suicidal thoughts but I also had no will to live. My life was a repeating day-night cycle, the night being the best part: I could sleep without having to listen to her crap. I gave up on trying to be her friend when I turned 15, my only goal in life being to finish highschool and leave. I just wanted to vent. It's not like she can magically make this right when she is narcissistic and doesn't acknowledge everything she did to me.

One of my issues right now is the fact my siblings aren't part of my life, but the fact they are 10 years older than me, parents too, living away in different parts of europe, don't call, don't text and don't really care is why we don't have a relationship.