I’m not “letting” my boyfriend (35M) go to an event I (27F) asked him to go to first..

There is a big event happening soon that I was genuinely excited about. One of my favorite artists is performing, and I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go with me. He brushed it off and said something along the lines of, “I wouldn’t buy tickets, but if someone had them, I’d go.” He sounded totally uninterested, so I dropped it even though I really wanted to go.

A couple of days later, his friend reached out saying he had VIP tickets and one extra. When his friend mentioned it, my boyfriend actually said, “Oh she’s going to be mad, she asked me about that and I said ehhh.” He even asked if there was an extra ticket for me, but there wasn’t.

At first, he seemed to understand why that would hurt me. He said he could see how it would make me feel brushed off. But now, a couple of days later, it has turned into a full-blown argument. Suddenly I’m selfish, controlling, and “always have to get my way.” He keeps saying he’s only thinking about going because the tickets are free and VIP, but that doesn’t make it feel any better.

I told him I was hurt because if the roles were reversed, I would never go to something he really wanted to go to after turning him down. I wouldn’t even feel right enjoying myself knowing he was sitting at home upset. It’s not about the money or the tickets. It’s about the fact that I asked him first, he brushed it off, and now he might go without me because someone else made it sound cooler.

He keeps comparing it to an event I’m going to in December. That comparison makes no sense to me. I invited him to that event multiple times and he said no because of work and because he’s been before. He still has the option to go if he wants to. I’ll be there with my entire family. The event happening now, on the other hand, is mostly single guys, and I wasn’t invited. That’s why it feels completely different.

What also hurts is that instead of saying to his friend, “Yeah, she’d be hurt, I don’t think I should go,” he made me look crazy and told his friend it’s “not worth the argument.” So now it feels like I’m being turned into the problem for having feelings at all.

Now I’m being called selfish and controlling while he’s so bugged about letting this VIP ticket “go to waste.” But who cares? His friend didn’t even pay for them, and it’s no sweat off his back. He didn’t even know about this event until two days ago. I told him I would be extremely, extremely hurt if he went to a high-end section with free food and drinks at an event I really wanted to go to and that he brushed off when I asked.

He has now made me feel completely awful about even bringing it up. He keeps saying that I “do whatever I want” and keeps dragging my December event into this as proof that I’m selfish. But that trip is with my entire family, and he was invited and declined. It feels like every time I try to explain how this current situation makes me feel, he flips it around until I’m the one apologizing.