Realising all the red flags I ignored

Hey everyone. I just went through a breakup with someone I believe has strong avoidant tendencies and this has become very clear after reading through this sub. We are both in our 20s. He ended things over text yesterday, right after what felt like a great date. After some reflection, I have come to the realisation that the whole relationship was a massive red flag from the beginning itself.

1. It was overly sexual from the start. He was very possessive early on. Most of our time together revolved around sex. He rarely asked how I was doing or showed interest in building shared memories that didn't involve sex. I kept hoping we would move towards deeper emotional intimacy but that never happened.

2. He used humor to dodge real conversations. Anytime something serious came up, he would make a joke or change the subject. I never really understood when was he being genuine and when he was joking around.

3. He panicked when I showed vulnerability. When I opened up about a past long-distance relationship that failed, he freaked out and said he “can’t be with someone who might abandon him.” We had a ton of emotional back and forth before patching things up and the whole experience was so emotionally destabilizing for me that I can't put it in words. I have dated a cheater and a narcissist before but nothing came close to this.

4. He invalidated my feelings constantly. Whenever I tried to express that something hurt me, his default response was to question the relationship itself or say, “I don’t see this working out anymore.” It made me feel unsafe emotionally, like I was one conversation away from being dumped. His mood changed faster than the weather and he was the most emotionally immature man I've ever been with.

5. I cried more during this relationship than I ever have in any other. I would have sleepless nights after he withdrew completely post arguments and then I would spiral, blaming myself, trying to figure out how to “fix” things or be the partner he wanted. He wanted to me to shrink myself as much as possible to avoid facing his shortcomings.

6. He lied about being in therapy and other small things. I only found out later that some of what he told me early on was not true. This was a major gut punch.

7. He said he couldn’t handle a relationship but acted the opposite when we were together. His affection always returned full force during sex or dates, which confused me and kept me hooked. The amount of emotional labour I did was batshit crazy.

8. The breakup came out of nowhere. The night before, we were still exchanging “I love you” texts and had an amazing time together. There were no signs he was pulling away and then I got a text saying that he can't do it anymore and he sees no future with me, and it's all for my benefit because he's doing a disservice to me by faking his love. I wonder what happened to this nobility when he was all over me the last night.

I grew up in an emotionally abusive, narcissistic household and have my own mental health struggles which is probably the reason why I spared him a lot of grace and kept making excuses for his behaviour. I am unable to seek therapy consistently but I am on meds. I've been actively reading everyone's posts here and it has been very helpful to me, so thanks to y'all.