This phase is so much harder than i expected

I don’t even know anymore. i love my kid so much but lately i just feel like i’m failing at everything.She’s three and everything is a battle. diapers, meals, getting in the car, putting on shoes. I can’t even breathe without it turning into a meltdown. Today she threw her breakfast on the floor because i gave her the blue cup instead of the pink one. i lost it. like actually yelled. and then I just stood there shaking and crying while she screamed.
she came up to me after and hugged me and i felt even worse. like she forgave me before i forgave myself.

I used to be patient. I used to be fun. now i’m just tired all the time.Everyone says you’ll miss this one day but i don’t think i will. not this part. not feeling like i’m never enough.

I love her. I do. but god, I hate how hard this feels.