im questioning myself if i should slowly start to transition.

Hi, life has been rough on me, really rough, and now im tired of my masculine flesh. I was so sad this entire year my weight increased a lot, i went from my chiselled 62 kilograms (172cm) to a 85 kilograms bum, and all of that happened because i started hating myself, i want to wear dresses and be fucking gay, but instead i was just not as gay as i really want to, im just scared of what everyone would think of me, i started to work out 2 weeks ago hoping to do a soft transition if there is something like that. I want advice, i dont want to use hrt yet, but i want advice on how should i face this crazy idea, or if i shouldn't take the risk dven if i want to.