Gave in to my mom

Hi, this is gonna be a very long read. I am M19, my mom is F43 and single. Making a new account to post this. So before telling you about the more recent incident i would like to give some context which has been happening over the past couple months till last week, so my mom is a 43 year old lady and I would be lying if i didn’t admit that she in great shape for someone who is 43, she has artificially coloured blonde hair and tbh i have always been proud to introduce her as my mom, she is very outgoing, has a lot of friends and often hangs out with them a lot, now i am 19 years old and i go to college nearby so i never really moved out to both save money and also support my mom. We live in a modest 2 bedroom house but it has only one bathroom.

No coming back to the story, it all started a couple months ago, before this it I would like to say, yes there have been moments when i felt attracted to my mom or viewed her in a way that I shouldn’t, it is only natural with my hormones raging but never did I go beyond that. So a couple months ago i started noticing my mom leaving her panties in the bathroom, the first time it happened i ignored it, a few days later it happening again, and it did turn me on a little although i decided to control myself and just went out to tell her she forgot her panties in the washroom, she blushed, and i mean literally and told me she is very sorry and took them away, it was a bit weird and i didn’t think of it much. Around this same time my mom started walking around the house in nothing but her robes, her robes are pretty thin so you could tell if there was a panty or not, sometimes i saw one, sometimes i didn’t, as a young man you can’t help but notice all these and never did I see a bra, never, even if there was a panty there never was a bra, sure of that. Now everything was normal for another week apart from this robe thing which i didn’t mind much though it was sometimes a bit distracting due to her cleavage but i tried my best to not concentrate there, and then one day, I think it was a sunday, I was going to my room (her room comes before mine) and i saw her door half open and guess what? She was changing with the door open, i saw her body, bare back and a glimpse of her breasts in the mirror, the mirror is positioned in such a way that if the door if open you are bound to see whoever stands in the doorway, so she MOST probably did see me, at this point it was very confusing for me and i finally started to think of this as something she was doing intentionally, i quickly walked away but could never get that sight out of my mind, now a couple days later i walk into the washroom and see her panties again, from what happened earlier i had a different perception in my mind and don’t know what came upon me i, I picked up the panties and smelled them, i was rock hard from that and i felt pretty bad about what i did, but i couldn’t resist either, i ended up leaving the washroom and going back to my bedroom and masturbated thinking of it, felt bad later but did enjoy masturbating. Now when i finally came out i saw my mom and she asked me “hey everything good? I thought you went to take a shower but you went back” it left me genuinely confused as she was aware of it? This is the moment i started seeing it as something very intentional and deliberate. So nothing much happened after that, she continued with her robes and stuff.

Fast forward to Saturday night, as i mentioned my mom has a great social life and she often goes to these parties with her friends and usually she comes back on her own, we don’t have any interaction but this one time (after the last incident) i happened to be in the kitchen when she came back home and to be honest she was wearing quite intimidating outfit, Its possible i could’ve found it more intimidating due to the incidents for quite some time, so she greeted me and walked into the kitchen asked me what I was doing and whether i needed any help, i said no and then she said she had a question to ask if i didn’t mind, i said sure and we went to the living room, she sat down next to me and started talking casually, i could smell her breath and could tell that she was drunk but not drunk enough to not know what she was doing. She randomly asked me, “there’s this thing i heard called nnn and many young boys are doing it, are you too?” It took me aback ngl and i tried to change the topic not wanting to talk about it, she told me not to be shy and stop playing “hard to get”. The genuinely confused me and as much as i surprised i was shocked too, my heartbeat started racing and I asked her what she meant by that and she asked me if i was participating in nnn, i told her yes I was, and she asked me what it would take for me to quit, i told her im not able to understand what she meant by that and i kid you not, she just took my hand and placed it on her boob, “this?” She told me, And I was fucking shocked by that but i was also hard i wouldn’t lie but obviously i tried to get away i pulled my hand away and started to get up to leave, but she held me down saying sit down and moved closer to me, bringing her face close and told me to stop with my acts and kept closing in her face, my heartbeat was racing and and all i could say was mom wtf, i probably repeated it 2-3 times and her face was now very very close to mine and i could say she was in for a kiss, i finally lost it and gave in, yes i kissed my mother, we started making out there on the couch, it lasted for some time before she broke it and said good boy, now let me sleep and went back up to her room, i sat there for probably another 5 minutes comprehending what the fuck just happened, i was rock hard at this point i was really really horny, i just went up to my room, locked the door, opened my gallery and jerked off to a nice picture of my mom, after which i couldn’t sleep and as soon as it was 6 am and felt really guilty, i left the house early and went to one of my friend’s, i checked my phone to find multiple missed calls from her and even a voice note asking me to come back from wherever i was, my friend lives alone so it isn’t a problem that im staying, i have been there since, thinking of going home today after classes, would love advices (if any) from people who have had the same experience or anything that helps.

Thank you for reading patiently.