Help with Mental disorder

Hey fellow brothers and sisters. This past month I have been struggling immensely with delusions, anchor delusions and blasphemous writing and thoughts.

I'm scared God won't forgive me because I took it too far. It came from an earnest attempt to write a story. But my brain hijacked that harmless desire and fed it into something extra Biblical which caused blasphemous writing. As in Jesus words

I'm just so tried. I went to Church yesterday and just want some fellow Christians to remind me I'm not condemned. It's just so tiring. Does God understand my struggle? Am I too far gone brothers and sisters? ShizoAffective is a combination of Schizophrenia and Bipolar. It's exhausting that even when I try to do good I end up doing wrong. My brain is such a battlefield. I just want to know if my mistakes are too much.