Weed helps me see myself

Do drugs help you see yourself? And understand yourself more? I feel like it does that for me, but I have high chances of psychosis if I smoke too much so I don’t smoke anymore. I just really struggle everyday and I cope with alcohol. Meds don’t seem to help me. I have a troubled mind, and I struggle immensely, yet I’m still my own worst enemy. I feel like when I’m high and I’m not losing it, I’m really mindful of life, but sober or drunk? Trapped in my own world and misery. I would say my biggest thing is fear and anxiety, but smoking weed would probably plummet me into a much darker place if I’m not in the right mindset. It sucks to feel this way. I don’t fully understand myself. Scared of countless things. But my mind… it just scares me. I am scared of things.