I always feel judged by people , especially by certain family members and in-laws. 
I often feel I deserve the pain as well.

I have no diagnosis as yet , and this has been going on for a long time.
I have nerve conduction tests and muscle function tests coming up. I am waiting on the NHS for chronic pain team intervention and I may have steroids injections. 
One gp seems to think it might be fibromyalgia. The rest of them say it's just chronic pain and that's how it is. But my MRIs show disc degeneration and arthritis. My oesteopath seems to think I've had inappropriate physical therapy for the joints and discs making the muscles over worked and strained. I hope, genuinely hope this is what it is... And it may take months yet again to find out if acupuncture, manipulations by him and rest and appropriate physio helps it. 
I haven't given up. I refuse to give up. After 3 years of this flaring up and down, the past few months has been hell.i couldn't get out of bed for days, I haven't been able work, I have lost some control of my arm.and the pain is unbearable. No mater what. 
But I'm not weak. I didn't deserve this..and I'm not giving up. I'm only early 30s. I wanted to get married. I don't want to walk down the isle and try dressed on when I feel like this..I can't even wear a bra with the pain in my back and neck most days. 

I refuse to give up on myself. 

For anyone who needs to see or hear this.