Decisions decisions.....

Hi everybody! I have some big life decisions coming up and I wanted help reflecting on the ethics/practicalities of what I'm thinking. Here's the background: Me and my wife are a lesbian couple desperately in love and want to build a future together. I'm a German citizen and we recently moved to Berlin (me 6 and her 3 months ago) from northeast USA. We've both been experiencing some frustration integrating into German society and building community, I had more of a head start anf am generally a more independent person so I feel a lot better than she does and there is a lot of depression and drug addiction in our community here (truthfully it's not better in the states it's just different substances).

She returned home to visit friends and another partner a week ago and the other day proposed we move on to one of our best friends property and live out our commune dreams. In a lot of ways it makes sense, there are much better work opportunities, we'd be closer to nature and pre established communities and family, I could move forward on my dream of becoming a physical therapist without sinking years into learning German, yadda yadda. So I agreed. The following day she found out that her other partner is also planning to move to this property. This is where it gets complicated.

For me the idea living with a metamor who I have little friendship or honestly good feelings towards makes my stomach churn. It doesn't help that this person has been quite rude to me in the past and even before they started dating I found really annoying. I've let go of the bad feelings since then abd my wife has assured me meta didn't intend to hurt me. I doubt this because I've been told meta was going to reach out to apologize but that's never manifested.

I've told my wife how I feel but because of the big decisions (when we leave, do we find an in between sublet etc.) I need to figure out whether this is possible. One thing that makes this possibly easier for me is that my wife and mera have downgraded their relationship from dating to "sweeties." This conversation was initiated by meta and unfortunately I haven't really been able to talk/understand how that looks, how it feels for my wife, and how subject to change this is. My ethics dilemma is that I think i need to present my wife with an uncomfortable truth: The only way I'd feel good about this move is if they broke off their romantic relationship. This feels very awful and over years of being poly i've never wanted my partners to stop seeing anyone and never thought I would but living situations, moving to a new place (mostly for her honestly), and everything else is making me think of an ultimatum 🤮🤮🤮.

"Either you guys stop seeing each other or meta lives elsewhere or I stay in Berlin and you can stay or go."

Can you all help me think of other options?? Parse the ethics of this? Help me see blind spots? Thanks for reading this long post.