My therapist said I confuse peace with boredom, and it broke me.

I’ve been in therapy for a few months, and last week my therapist said something that stuck: “You keep sabotaging calm situations because you associate chaos with love.”

I realized she’s right. When things are peaceful, I get anxious. I start overthinking, picking fights, chasing adrenaline. I grew up in a house where love was loud, inconsistent, and unpredictable and now stability feels wrong.

I want to learn how to feel safe in peace. But right now, it still feels like something’s missing when things aren’t falling apart.