The letter I could never send

The letter that I could never send

It’s almost been a year since we last spoke. A year filled with change, with noise, with silence. And yet, beneath it all, I still miss you. Don’t worry — I won’t disturb you. You’ve always been strong on your own, untangled from the weight of anyone else’s emotions. I always admired that about you.

There’s so much I want to say — stories, thoughts, small moments — and somehow, you’re still the only person I wish I could share them with. So here I am, writing this letter into the void, hoping it might somehow reach you (even though I know it never will 😔).

Let’s start from the day it all stopped. The day words turned into silence, but life still forced us to be around each other. Each day became a kind of survival. Each morning began with a quiet collapse… (blah… blah… blah…).

Then came the first chance to step away — and I took it. A part of me hoped you’d notice, that maybe you’d react. But who was I kidding? Even with distance, the pain stayed. The memories stayed. The late-night breakdowns… yeah, those too. (blah… blah… blah…).

And then I began to ask myself — why? What was the point of it all? What were you to me, and why couldn’t I be that for you?

In searching for answers, I stumbled upon Jung’s idea of the anima — how each soul holds both masculine and feminine energy, and how the journey of life is to unite them into one.

Maybe that’s what you were — a mirror of what I was missing within myself. I’ve always felt incomplete, never fully present in anything I did. But with you, I saw a glimpse of wholeness. For the first time, I could imagine a future that felt… enough.

I even begged God to keep you in my life forever. Funny, isn’t it? Because you were the one who taught me that we shouldn’t ask from God — we should only give thanks.

Maybe this was life’s lesson — that I needed to find completeness on my own. So here I am, walking this long road toward myself. It might take a lifetime, maybe more. But at least I know where I’m going.

I’ll always be grateful for your presence, for the way you changed me without even trying. I wish you peace, love, and everything beautiful in life. You’ll always be in my prayers