Advice

Namaste everyone, I don’t really know how to start this and if this is the right place to post, but I need to get it off my chest and maybe get some perspective. I am sorry this is long

I think I’m falling out of love with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for almost six years. We’ve had our ups and downs like any normal couple, but these days I feel like I’m falling out of love with her and that disgusts me. We live together, but when I finish work, I sometimes don’t even want to go home. I just want to sit alone. Neither of us has ever cheated, and there’s no third person involved.

About us we met six years ago when we were 21. I chased her for almost a year before confessing my feelings. She was hesitant at first but eventually fell in love too. We’ve been through many ups and downs, but I’ve never felt like this before. That’s why I hate myself for feeling this way.

I’m a really extroverted person who enjoys socializing, but she’s the complete opposite. I think that difference has started to affect our relationship. I used to go out a lot before I met her, but she didn’t like it when I stayed out late, so I started spending less time with my friends. That was fine , we’re adults now have to focuse on self then meeting friends but she still doesn’t like it when I go out. She gives me a two- to three-hour time limit to come home. These days, I only meet my friends on their birthdays, and even then, she expects me to be home before 10 p.m., sometimes before they even cut the cake. So, either I go home early, or we end up fighting. Because of that, I’ve mostly stopped going out, even though I still want to.

I drink occasionally not every day just when I’m out with friends or at special occasions. But she doesn’t want me to drink more than two or three drinks. Most of my friends are in relationships too, and when they invite us to events, she doesn’t want to go, so I end up going alone. When I come home, she tells me she doesn’t need anyone besides me that I’m her whole world but that I put everyone else before her. That makes me feel guilty for even having friends. There’s also almost no intimacy between us maybe two or three times a year if I’m lucky. When I try to initiate, I often get shut down. Sometimes she says I’m acting like a desperate pervert, which makes me feel like I’m harassing her. She even once told me to go visit a brothel if I’m that desperate and that completely broke me.

She’s not very social; she only has one or two close friends, which I’m fine with. But she sometimes makes me feel guilty for having mine. Everyone in my family knows her and wants to talk to her, but she hasn’t even said “hello” to them once in these six years. We’re also from different castes, and her father doesn’t approve of intercaste relationships. She’s told me that many times. We’re both from lower-middle-class families, and we’ve been working hard to build a future together a house, careers, stability. She says once we achieve those things, she’ll tell her father about us because then he’ll take her seriously. I actually liked that idea. But when I asked her what happens if he still doesn’t accept me, she said it would be hard, but we’d have to go our separate ways. That crushed me a little.

Last week, I told her I was thinking of getting a mullet haircut, and she said she didn’t like it. I told her jokingly, “It’s my life, you don’t have to control everything.” She got angry and said she was only caring for me, not controlling me. Then it turned into, “If you think I’m controlling, just leave the relationship.”

I’ve compromised so many times to avoid unnecessary fights doing what she wants but now I’m starting to question what’s the point if I feel like this. I feel empty, like I’ve given everything I had. Sometimes I wonder if she’s just caring, and maybe I’m the problem. But as I’m getting older, I also realize I can’t live like this my whole life. I hate feeling this way falling out of love with someone I once dreamed of building a life with hurts deeply.

I’m writing this because I need another person’s perspective. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe things will get better. Maybe we just need to communicate more but communication only works when I stay quiet. She says I never speak my mind and always try to run away, but when I do, it becomes chaotic and we never reach a solution.

Of course, you can’t fully judge this without hearing her side. Maybe I’ve done things I’m not aware of. But I need advice. Maybe this is just a phase in my life… or maybe I need to accept that this is how things are.