[The Impeccable Adventure of the Reluctant Dungeon] - Book 4 - Chapter 27

“Come on! Come on! Come on!” Switches grumbled, observing hundreds of his mechanical constructs modifying the hull of the new airship.

A lot sleeker than the commercial models, it was packed with a series of weapons—which the gnome had created in his own time, as a hobby, of course—covered with a thick layer of anti-magic alloy. From his own experience with demons, as Lord Mandrake, Switches knew that the protection wasn’t a hundred percent guaranteed, but it decreased any effects to a point that the damage would be negligible.

“Sir! Sir!” the gnome’s alchemist assistant rushed into the construction observation room. “The southern section was reconstructed!”

“To be expected.” Switches barely glanced at him. The gnome had felt the rush of energy when it had happened. Clearly, the dungeon had consumed a new mana source, giving the city—and Switches—a bit more time. “What about Spok?”

“The duchess?” The alchemist stared at his boss. “She is fine, I think?”

“Ah.” That was another close one. With luck, she might even have forgotten the minor mishap during the castle rescue operation. “Did you finish with the firework preparations?”

“Yes.” The alchemist nodded. “The constructs are loading them now. I must say I have outdone myself on this one. I’d recommend moving away after we release them… and avoiding the castle… or the temple… or…”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, assistant.” Switches waved his hand. “Is the team here?”

“Err…” The alchemist hesitated.

A large part of the people in question had already been brought to the aishipyard via mechanical carriage. Several high-level adventurers had also joined on their own accord. Yet, there remained one that had absolutely refused to do anything of the sort. Sadly, she was the one that the gnome engineer insisted on the most.

“Almost,” the senior assistant said in vague fashion.

Switches’ ears instantly perked up. Forgetting everything he was doing up to this point, the gnome bristly turned around, glaring at the alchemist straight in the eye.

“Almost?” The gnome walked up to him, then activated his levitation belt to rise up so their eyes could be level. “Almost?!” his voice squeaked a full octave higher than usual.

“The gardener declined your invitation,” the alchemist conveyed the rejection in the softest terms possible. “I got the impression that—”

“Did you describe my plan?” Switches interrupted. “Did you point out the importance of it given the current situation?”

The alchemist hadn’t. The moment he had the misfortune of uttering Switches’ name, Agonia had made it known that she was utterly uninterested. Not being one to want risking bodily harm, the man had taken the hint and immediately rushed back to the airshipyard.

“Oh, well.” Switches shrugged, levitating back to the ground. “I suppose you can’t win them all. Make sure the outer hull is complete and your fireworks are loaded,” he said, going to a chair that had several leather jackets on it.

Hesitating between the green and red one, he put on the crimson leather jacket, then adjusted his goggles.

“Oh, and take the villagers to the airship bridge. I want us to be off when I’m back.”

“You’re going out, sir?” The alchemist felt a chill down his spine. There were many things wrong about this. The ongoing fight between a gigantic demonic rabbit and a statue made out of buildings and controlled by Baron d’Argent from half a continent away was one of them. The rest that came to mind were even worse.

“For this to work, I must succeed where you’ve failed.” The gnome marched past the man, towards the exit. “I won’t be long.”

Leaving waves of confusion behind him, the gnome quickly made his way through the construction area into the underground corridors. Technically, these remained part of the building, but more appropriately they were dungeon tunnels that had little to do with the happenings aboveground. As he walked, a figure emerged next to him. It was tall, elegant, surrounded by a distinct air of authority/

“I haven’t forgotten about the castle,” a female voice said.

“Ah!” The gnome hopped to the side, startled. “I said I’ll fix it!” he responded instinctively. “And it’s not like anyone was harmed… at least not so much that it couldn’t be fixed. Some of the nobles even appreciated what I did. Called it a learning experience.”

A few steps away, Spok adjusted her glasses.

“That’s not what I have come to discuss. I see you have taken my personal maids and several people from Theo’s hamlet. Is there anything you aren’t telling me?”

That was a trick question if Switches had ever heard one. There were hundreds of things he wasn’t telling her and twice as many that he had shared only to get ignored. Every dungeon gnome knew that the key to success was to follow one’s instinct first and not worry about details. Only a complete idiot would turn down success. That said, the majority of dungeons gnomes worked for did turn out to be complete idiots.

“There’s nothing wrong in giving a hand,” Switches gave a vague reply. “It’s not every day that one gets to face a Demon Lord.”

He offered a toothy smile in an attempt to lower the spirit guide’s concern. Unfortunately for him, the approach didn’t work. For ten seconds, both looked at each other, not moving a muscle. After five more seconds, the gnome saw there was no point in hiding it.

“Dungeons don’t tend to do well against demons,” he admitted.

“I’m aware,” Spok replied. She was fully familiar with all the destroyed dungeons of the past, and a surprisingly large number of them had ended their existence due to demons.

Statistically, demons were the fourth most common reason for a dungeon’s demise. The first were, of course, adventurers. Although relatively weak in the grand scheme of things, they tended to poke their noses everywhere, often stumbling upon dungeons in their early formative years. In two-thirds of the cases, the dungeons would destroy or devour the infestation, but more adventurers would always return in force.

The second reason was, surprisingly, dungeon greed and poor management. That was, in fact, the reason that spirit guides were so vital. The first thing any dungeon would do after coming into existence would be to create minions and quickly expand, consuming all resources in its immediate area. The issue with that was that they heavily relied that the resources found would end up being more than the core points spent on the initial minions and chambers. Often, the expansion rush would end up annoying a beast or monster den, causing them to attack the dungeon before it was in condition to defend itself.

Heroes were the third greatest threat, of course. And right after them came demons. The issue with the latter was that they rarely resorted to a direct confrontation. For the most part, they would gradually weaken the dungeon, draining strength from it, when possible, before abruptly flipping the tables.

With the Demon Lord making an appearance, things were worse. Theo had earned himself a fighting chance by devouring a mana gem, but the battle was far from won.

“There is one type of entity that does great against demons, though,” the gnome continued. “And I’m not just talking about my superior intellect.”

“You want Agonia to take on the demon,” Spok said with a note of boredom.

“I would have put it better,” the gnome semi-protested. “But yes. Along with my new airship and distraction team, she’ll help give the boss an advantage.”

Spok didn’t say a thing. This could well have been the most reasonable thing the gnome had said ever since he had joined Theo’s employ. Right now, the odds had once more shifted in the dungeon’s favor, but it was a fact that the rabbit hadn’t suffered much. Despite all its wounds and screeching, it continued to grow. If Max and Ninth were correct, it would likely continue to do so until completely destroyed or the Demon Lord was banished. Right now, both seemed equally improbable.

“Theo still has a few tricks up his sleeve,” the spirit guide said. “But I appreciate your effort. Go, finish your airship. I’ll make sure that Agonia joins you.”

“You got it!” The gnome rushed off. If nothing else, the creature was highly adaptive to any development. “Oh, and can you get Cmyk, too? I wasn’t able to find him.”

“Yes, I’ll get Cmyk as well.”

Not that there was any particular use. The minion was more hype than achievement, although having him join Switches’ group of questionables would probably be better than most alternatives.

Waiting for the gnome to vanish from sight, Spok took out the second mana gem he had taken from her husband’s treasure chest. Nothing had prevented her from letting Theo consume it along with the first, but something in the back of her mind had cautioned to keep it as a reserve. If Theo had shown anything, it was that he tended to snatch victory from the jaws of despair at the very last moment… just like a hero.

“After the battle,” Spok muttered as she put the gem away.

The ground shook again. In the cleared-out area near the castle, the fight between bunny and colossus continued.

“So, you thought you had me?” Theo’s representation grabbed the demon by the ears and hurled it into the air.

Using his swiftness ultra spell, the dungeon slowed down time to a freeze, then proceeded to spend some of his acquired energy on a new atypical ability.

 

LEGENDARY FIST FIGHTING

Complete mastery of punches, fisticuffs, and blocking rivaling that of any adventurer.

 

A strike landed in the demon’s face, sending it flying in the direction of the city wall. Yet, it never came into contact with it. Now that Theo had restored his magic reserves, the dungeon froze time once more, then rushed to the spot behind the rabbit, where he punched it again.

“Have a bit of blessings!” Theo blessed the whole area of the colossus fists as he kept on punching.

It was an impressive sight, though not nearly as grand as he had initially imagined it. He had yet to get used to controlling the colossus. Unlike his avatar, the actions were clunky, lacking the fine precision he had become used to. Apparently, despite Ninth’s assurances of the opposite, moving about a dungeon’s body, even a small part of it, wasn’t simple at all.

Taking a step back, the colossus created a fireball the size of a small house, then blessed it and slammed it into the demonic bunny.

Screeches atypical of any living creature filled the air, as the demon leaped up in an attempt to extinguish the flames.

“You should have done that hours ago,” Max the ghost said from part of the dungeon. Alarmingly, that part happened to be within the colossus’ head. “Now you’re just wasting mana.”

“Now you have something to say?” Theo’s voice echoed throughout the entire colossus.

“I told you we’d talk again once you got some energy. How are things on the other front?”

The question felt colder than it was meant to be. The ghost hadn’t been openly hostile or even critical, yet, given what had happened, the dungeon didn’t feel at all pleased.

“The Demon Lord’s beating our asses,” he replied in a much lower voice.

“To be expected with the current crop of heroes,” Max grumbled. “Not that I have anything against Lia or the other kids…” he paused. “Except for my idiot son,” he added in an annoyed whisper. “But they’re too soft for this sort of thing. The old geezers that taught me were just too good, killing off everything dangerous until there was nothing left.”

Black tendrils shot out of the rabbit as it started its descent back to the ground. Several of them hit the colossus’ arm, taking huge chunks off.

Theo didn’t even pause, quickly reconstructing the missing parts before grabbing hold of the demonic tendril.

A round dome of a building emerged from the ground fifty feet away. As the structure rose, it gained the appearance of a tower before obtaining east and west wings. At that point, the colossus bent down and grabbed the towery part, before pulling it up.

Suddenly, a wave of gasps came from all peripheries of the city, as all observers stacked on the buildings above town witnessed the colossus pull out a sword twice the height of the duke’s castle. Even the griffins were impressed.

“Only in Rosewind,” many would say, their emotions constantly jumping between deep dread and the euphoria of the spectacle. 

The colossus took a step back, taking on a standard fencing stance. Then, he tugged on the tendrils he was gripping with his left hand. Unable to respond, the demonic rabbit found itself pulled towards the ground.

Waiting for the precise moment, Theo put his legendary swashbuckling skills into action. The gigantic sword danced, performing several swishes and thrusts into the demonic creature. On the surface, the attack appeared quite flashy, yet there was one minor detail that the dungeon had forgotten. A sword this size, despite his best attempts, still had the properties of a club. Striking the demon had the same effect as striking a big ball of rubber. To make matters even more absurd, the rabbit kept on making squeaking sounds when hit.

“Damn it!” Theo shouted then struck the demon from the side with a cleave attack.

The force was enough to tear several of the creature’s tendrils, sending it a few hundred feet away. There was one notable difference, though. Unlike most of the previous times, the rabbit wasn’t sent off flying. Thousands of small tendrils had shot out of its feet, attaching them to the ground like roots. The dungeon had tried to compensate by shedding the entire layer of tiles and earth, but the tendrils had gone deeper.

“It’s starting to learn,” Max said. “Just bury it and deal with the real fight.”

Moments ago, Theo himself had come to the same conclusion. Hearing it voiced by Max, however, instantly made him reconsider. If a random idiot ghost had come up with that, there was a strong chance that everyone else had, including the rabbit. Thus, it would be prepared to counter such an approach. The real solution would be to do something unexpected, like destroying the minion utterly and completely before the avatar encountered the Demon Lord.

The metaphorical gears in his mind started turning. Experience had taught him that, without a shadow of a doubt, every monster or demonic minion had to have a core that it released after death. However, what if the opposite also held true? With enough luck and precision, could the destruction of the core bring to the destruction of the minion itself? That was, after all, how dungeons were killed.

The logical thing to do was turn to Spok for advice on the matter. Yet, doing so, risked a negative answer. That was something that Theo didn’t particularly need right now. Besides, as a rank eight dungeon, he was supposed to be familiar with such things. Nothing in the volumes of acquired knowledge suggested that his reasoning might be wrong.

If that’s true, why hasn’t anyone used it so far? The voice of doubt whispered in the back of the dungeon’s mind. It would definitely have made combat a lot easier during his low-rank days. Furthermore, Liandra hadn’t mentioned the possibility even once.

Counterproductivity! Theo thought.

The single word came as an epiphany that cast out all doubts. Shattering a monster sphere was a certain way to give up the experience it provided. If heroes went about targeting the cores of monsters they fought, they’d never raise their levels, remaining easy prey for anything stronger than a dungeon digger minion.

“Are you just going to stand there?!” The ghost of Lord Maximillian shouted, wrecking his train of thought.

“I’m thinking!” the dungeon snapped back. He would have preferred a few more seconds to ensure that there weren’t any remaining logical fallacies, but given the time pressure, his current reasoning was more than adequate.

In order to succeed, a combination of three spells and abilities was needed; maybe four if he wanted to be certain.

The first step was to sharpen and harden the edge of the massive blade, which the dungeon did by spending vast amounts of magic energy. Suddenly, the blade gleamed as light was reflected off it. The new feature was quickly noticed by all observers of the city periphery.

Step one, Theo thought as even more energy was spent to cover the vast space from tip to hilt with blessings.

With that, the blade would, hopefully, be able to cut through the demonic flesh without issue.

“Here we go,” the dungeon said as he cast several dozen future echoes spells.

Multiple images of the future appeared in Theo’s mind, displaying variations of outcomes the rabbit went through. In each, it would charge at the colossus, with thick spikes emerging from its black fur. The colossus’ response, though, was always slightly different. A clean swift strike would pierce the creature, like a main going through a block of soap. The affected area was always slightly different: the forehead, the neck, the chest, the stomach and dozens of spots in-between.

Screeching filled the air once more, as the rabbit’s wounds would sizzle, melting away due to the sword’s blessings. Unfortunately, nothing else would follow. Despite all his efforts, all that Theo managed to do was deal some nasty wounds. Not once did he feel striking anything hard, nor were there shattering sounds accompanying his attacks.

“Sir,” Spok said from one of the dungeon’s underground chambers. “Your energy usage has spiked.”

“I’m aware!” Theo stopped his future echoes spells, reverting to brute force attacks.

The bunny’s head and upper torso turned to melting taffy as the demonic regeneration attempts were barely enough to compensate for the ferocity of the colossus’ attacks. It didn’t help that Theo would renew the layer of blessings on his weapon, maintaining its purifying properties.

“It won’t be like this for long,” the dungeon lied. “I just need a few more seconds to kill off the pesky rabbit.”

“Would that be possible, sir?” the spirit guide asked. A terrifying suspicion had crossed her mind. Knowing the dungeon better than most, she had become masterful at spotting the subtle signs of upcoming catastrophes. “Even with the mana gem, killing off a demon minion would be a difficult feat.”

“Difficult, but not impossible.”

The colossus sliced through the rabbit’s torso, briefly splitting it in two. The victory didn’t even last a full second, with tendrils shooting out from both parts of the creature, quickly reattaching them together.

“Just out of curiosity, where do you think its core is?” Theo asked.

The question caused the spirit guide just as much alarm as she feared it would. It was as if he had regressed several years to the point of an ignorant rank one dungeon.

“Demons of this nature don’t have cores, sir…”

“Sure they do!” Theo grumbled. “I killed two of them just recently, so I should know!”

“I always knew you were an idiot!” Max joined in. “And for a moment I thought you were almost competent.”

“Shut up, Max!” The colossus performed a vertical slash, once again slicing the demonic bunny into two, and once again missing the elusive demon core that had to be within it.

“Demons have organs,” the ghost continued.

That was difficult to argue, given that Switches had dug out several of them back when he was Lord Mandrake.

“What about the core I got from the gravedigger?” Theo refused to quit.

“The gravedigger is a dungeon! Of course he’ll have a core! All that knowledge consumed, and you still don’t—”

Before the ghost could finish, Theo used a swiftness ultra spell. Freezing time, he focused on the one point of the demonic rabbit that he believed a core could be. It was a long shot, but if scientists of his former life were to be believed, there were entities whose brains were located in their ass. Those weren’t creatures that existed, and a core wasn’t a brain, but given the current circumstances, any idea was valid.

The blade thrust through the rabbit’s stomach yet again, impaling it on the spot. Normally, this was the point at which the creature would start shrieking, yet this time only silence followed.

Afraid of jinxing it, Theo remained perfectly still and silent for several seconds. Max and Spok did the same.

Nothing moved. The only sounds came from patches of demonic flesh in contact with the blessed blade.

“How about that?” Max the ghost asked in a non-accusatory tone. “You actually did it.”

“I shattered its core?” Theo asked in hope.

“Don’t be stupid,” the ghost snorted. “You managed to lethally nick enough organs. That’s quite rare, though, given the size of the weapon you were bound to do something sooner or later.”

“See, Spok?” The dungeon completely ignored the ghost’s follow-up remark. “It was all part of the plan. Now, I’ll just focus on dealing with the Demon Lord and then—”

The left foot of the demonic bunny trembled. A second later, so did the right. The creature’s paws, no longer cute and cuddly as they were when it pretended to be a house pet, grabbed hold of the colossus’ hand holding the sword and started pushing.

“It’s not dead?” Theo asked, more disappointed than terrified. “Didn’t you say that was a lethal blow?”

“Trust me, I’m still shocked you managed to pull that off. Just a lucky thrust, no doubt,” the ghost said with a note of uncertainty.

“Why is it still alive, then?”

“Because you forgot the most basic principle there is when dealing with Demon Lord minions—you cannot kill them while their master is still alive.”

“Oh…” Right, there was that minor detail that Theo had completely forgotten.

“Why do you think I told you to deal with the Demon Lord first?!”

“Just a minor setback.” Theo twisted the blade within the rabbit, sending a whole array of blessed lightning along it. “I guess I’ll have to do that now.”

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