Love advice

I met my ex when I was 14 and he was 15. He was my first love, my first everything. We started dating in high school and were together for almost a year. We broke up just before our anniversary because I didn’t trust him immediately when he mentioned that a girl from his class might reach out to me with false claims about him. I was heartbroken, unable to eat, sleep, or drink. I knew we were young, and he might have wanted to meet other girls, but I only wanted him.

After we broke up, I moved on with my life, dated other boys, but never loved anyone else. I was always the one to end things. After some time, my ex reached out to me. By then, he had gained weight — he was 198 cm tall and around 130 kilos — and wanted to reconnect. At first, we only went on casual dates. During the summer, he stopped reaching out, but after the summer, he wanted to get back together, saying there was no other girl like me.

I didn’t trust him fully at first. I was afraid he would leave me again, and that fear haunted me. I became obsessed with my appearance and my weight. I was already doing modeling work on Instagram, and I lost weight from 58.5 kg to 53 kg while I was 175 cm tall. My ex, at that time, was about 20 kilos overweight. I was opssesed about being hot but didn’t care about his looks at all. I only wanted him to be happy.

My home life was difficult. My mother and her boyfriend constantly fought, which worsened my depression. During this period, I started thinking my life wasn’t worth living. My ex supported me emotionally through all of this he was my home.Even now I don’t think anyone could be to me what he was.

He was involved in party organization at 18, and had connections with people who created dangerous situations for him. One woman threatened to contact me unless he bought her a bag. I also discovered old messages from his high school years with the girl who had caused our initial breakup. These messages revealed inappropriate arrangements (she was a sex worker at the age of 16) he had made before we got back together. While it was from the past, it confirmed that my concerns at the time were valid.

His family continued to pressure him about his weight, saying he wouldn’t get financial support, help with college, or anything else unless he lost it. His father said that if he was slim he would not be with me and he told me that. He would also make comments if he was slim how good looking he would be and that everyone would want him beacuse he has money and looks. His family humiliated him for being fat. On one occasion, his mother refused to sit with him at lunch because of his weight. These pressures caused him panic attacks, and instead of working through them with his family, after years of this he started takeing his frustrations out on me.

Despite all of this I loved him so much and we built routines together — cooking, watching movies, staying at home — because he felt safer in familiar, controlled surroundings. I loved our time together, but I missed going out I wanted us to go to clubs together and makeout with him just like any young girl. Despite all of this this man made sure I was never hungry or in need of something.He would give me the last piece of bread if it was the last one on the planet. He loved animals like I did he was a good person and the first to help somebody if needed. Took me to the hospital if needed and take care of me when I was sick and this are the things I can never forget I love him so much for it.

I loved having sex with him, but he made me feel like I wasnt enough he could never finish faster and it was always like he had to make himself do it. Later at the end I found out he had a porn addiction. So that finally became clear if only I known that before I would understand him I would try to help him or try harder to fullfill his needs. Over time, he became involved in business with his father. I told him I really dont like this man they started working with and he told me that I dont know what I’m talking about. He thought that I was just jeaouls and he didn’t trust me that i just wanted the best for him. His first business partner turned out to be untrustworthy — he used drugs, tricked them, and stole a large amount of money. The situation became chaotic and unresolved. Despite this, my ex and his family immediately went into a new business with another man. From the beginning, I felt that this new partner was suspicious, untrustworthy, and “off,” but my ex didn’t listen to my concerns. I was begging him to not work with him this time I was so clear about what I think but again he didn’t listen. Eventually, it became clear that he, too, was untrustworthy, putting my ex in another difficult situation. These repeated business failures added tremendous stress to him and to our relationship.

He would make comments about relationships that I didn’t understand, like saying cheating is acceptable as long as the other person doesn’t know. This confused and hurt me. He also frequently blamed me for things I hadn’t done, yelled at me, and criticized me for minor issues. Over time, I felt like I was carrying the weight of his anger, frustration, and insecurity.One time I was in another city for my sisters birthday and he lost his wallet at home he put it on top of his car and drove off.He called me i tried helping him telling him he is going to find it to go and try looking for it and he called me retarded, stupid and started yelling at me. This started to happend offten yelling at me in the car it just felt like he hated me. After everything I made a mistake I hate myself for it I feel like I lost my soul and I feel like i became all of the things people were talking about me. His younger brother would often make comments about my instagram account he would tell me about it because he was ashamed that i post photos in a baithing suit. I became involved with another man. Not because I stopped loving my ex, but because I felt emotionally abandoned and needed care, safety, and reassurance. I hated myself for it, and I never wanted to hurt anyone.

The new man offered emotional stability and love I had been missing — he promised to protect me, to never let me feel alone, and to build a future with me. I was so lost, heartbroken, and afraid that I trusted him. I didn’t want to disappoint him, and I couldn’t reconcile myself with returning to my ex at that time.He also made comments about what would happen if i got back with him.

Now I am left with heartbreak, longing, and grief for the love I lost and the home I once felt in him. I miss who we were, and I miss the way he made me feel. I am still carrying guilt, sadness, and the hope that I could somehow find closure.