I (F22) have a habit of ghosting when my emotions get too heavy, and I hate that about myself.

I've been like this since my late teens. Whenever my emotions get too loud or life becomes stressful. I shut down completely. I disappear from people -- especially online friends without giving any explanation. It isn't because I don't care. It's actually the opposite: I care soo much that I get scared of hurting people with my words or disappointing them.

I grew up dealing with friendships that drained me, and somewhere along the way, "running away" became my way of protecting myself. If I feel hurt , or if I sense drama coming, I just escape. I deleted accounts, disappear for weeks/months because I don't know how to say "No" without feeling guilty.

The problem is ... people don't understand. It makes me look suspicious or uncaring. But I'm not cold. I'm just someone who gets emotionally overloaded very fast. I don't know how to set boundaries or say "I need space" so I vanish instead.

I'm writing this because I'm trying to understand understand myself, not to justify hurting anyone. I want to get better. I want to learn how to communicate without feeling terrified. One of my old friends used to call me "yowai mo", and sometimes I really feel Iike that fits.

I just need to get this off my chest and maybe hear from people who understand this pattern.