ive been having these morbid thoughts for years and i dont know what to do??

i (14M) have been having thoughts about killing and other morbid things for around a couple of years now, i dont know where to start but these thoughts are about after the kill and what i will do with the body after they die, such as dismembering, eating and putting them in a pretty position. im really fascinated by the insides of a person such as the skin, intestines, and the neck. again these thoughts are not sexual there just me fascinated by the body and wanting to explore everything it has to offer, some thoughts i have are things like skinning a corpse and keeping it with me like an animal hide, i really like the thought of cooking and eating the victims organs, when i have these morbid thoughts i go into this state where i dont think about what im doing, i just do it, i cant control myself when im like this and i dont feel any emotions when in in this aswell, this is unlike me most the time as i feel empathy and emotions alot but when im in this state im just "different" and this could last for months at a time or just a week . ive thought about this and why im like this ALOT and i think ive found out why. when i was younger the first morbid/scary thing i saw was the film "IT" with the clown, i watched it in secret when i was around 7 and i loved the feeling i got from watching something i shouldn't, it was this heavy feeling in my stomach, i got caught (by my parents) and i was disappointed not at the fact i did it, i was disappointed in the fact i got caught, i couldn't stop thinking of how much i could have done to get away with it and i loved that thought, planning it out and executing a plan for something i shouldn't be doing. later on i saw things in real life such as... we used to have chickens in my home and the chicken food would attract rats, rat traps would kill them and i remember looking at the body's, there eyes sticking out and there guts oozing out, i would poke them with sticks and watch how the intestines would move around. we live near a forest and a neighbour gave my family a pheasant so me and my family butchered this bird and the guts again really interested me, this was the first time i had my hands in something that was dead and i loved it, my parents were so proud of me and i guess that thought stuck with me, me and my mother would cut up dead animals aswell, there was a dead mole that me and my mother cut up one day and the skin was so hard to cut into. that interested me, and so did the intestines. i also remember after the dead animal was in a bag, i hit it against a was just to hear the bones crake and to see it become a bloody mess we again found a dead cat on the side of the road that my mum bring home, she didn't let me cut it up (because it was a cat) which i didn't like. i stopped cutting up animals and i moved onto watching videos, would watch videos of animals being buttered skinned and eaten, i remember i would re watch the killing of the animal lots (at this point it was only rabbits having there neck broke) then i for the first time watched gore, i watched a man get his head cut off and a woman being hung, i cried and went to my parents and told them (i was still around 7/10) i still remember at the end of the video when the mans head was almost completely cut off the skin was so stretchy and i rewatched that bit 2/5 times just to see the skin finally snap, but again i didnt really like it (not the dead bodys but the killing of the people i liked looking at the body's though) over time i would see more gore by accident, such as Ronnie Mcnut and self harm videos aswell as a man being lit on fire, i didnt choose to watch these my friends would just send it to me, most of these times i was out of "that state" so they disgusted me and i hated it but i was still curious, when was 11/12 i had this hatred for these girls in my class as they would pick on me. i wanted to kill them, i planned it out with a classmate to go to there house and burn them alive in there sleep. he turned back and told the class what i had planned a teacher asked me and i denied scared of the consequences and nothing ever happened of that, but that was when i started to write/draw down my feelings, i had this old notebook (that i have thrown away now) which (in code) described for each girl where they lived and how i wanted to kill them, this was simply just out of hatred and the only point of it was to kill and get away, the next time i went into this "state" was a couple of months ago, and its been the worst of all i think, i cant remember how it started but i would watch gruesome videos of pigs having there necks cut and how the blood would gush out, i really loved that. general gruesome videos of animal killings until. me being into true crime had heard of someone called "ed kemper" who had sex with his mothers decapitated head this intrigued me and i later on masturbated to the thought of it, i came quickly. this went on for a while with me "doing it" to dead heads and the thought of having my hands inside the organs of a dead girl, each time i came very quickly. but something about it i didnt really like so i stopped it was more a "lets try it out" rather than something i honestly enjoyed so i stopped shortly after. i would fall aslepp to the thought of not killing but doing things to a body after they die, it helped me sleep, and i liked the thought in general. i have tryed to reach out, i told my therapist that i have thoughts of killing but i didnt go into detail and she told me it was normal so i guess i carried on, i would think of skinning and as i said keeping parts/the whole body with me for a long time after they die, there is this woman i know (how i know her will stay unknown) but shes close and ive had thoughts of killing her and having sex with her body, in the shower i would plan it out, and its perfect every scenario, i dont think i will kill her but it is tempting the thought of it all. last night or the night before went to a gore website and for hours i sat there watching the most gruesome killings from cartel to accidents alots and lots, and i likes watching the body after death it was intriguing and that leaves me to today, i have a notebook which i draw/write my thoughts in to get it off my chest and im meeting that lady soon, casually not to kill dont worry but i saw people were confessing on here so i thought id get this weight off my chest, hear your guys thoughts and to just confess to another human. if you have any questions in down to answer anything and id really like your guys advice. :)