I dont know what to do

Hey guys im q 13 year old Christian wanting to return to the Lord im afraid i have comitted Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit here is what happened so i was doing lust which is my repeated sin and when i keep doing lust my mind keeps saying F the Holy Spirit which i tried to combat with the Holy Spirit is good even though i am still sinning i kee saying that and saying that i really hope it doesnt not mena if i sin that this equates to the unforgivable sin but i sinned anyway and my mind said F the Holy Spirit and now im afraid i commited it but im afraid also because it just feels like I dont feel Anything it feels like i cant cry..is this a sign God has left me that I did the unpardonable sin and in no place for Heaven and forever doomed in hell now guys i need help desperately i cant even cry about it anymore tears wont come out im just so dissapointed and I think God is too to think that 1 year ago I was close to Him now im just falling apart and have probably done the worst sin ever