i have never written anything seriously before, i dont even know what i'm doing or why (pls ignore all the grammar and abbreviations and disclaimer i wrote it for not srsly its kinda horrendous and cringe and its short) and feedback pls

Frick everything

I dont know if its cos I'm on my period but I’m mad

So fricking mad.

And upset dont forget that.

I dont even know where to start, i feel sick not the type of sick you feel when you ate one too many of your auntie’s dense but addictive chocolate brownies or when you somehow catch the ever present kid cold the one that survives summer, autumn, winter, spring and most people’s relationships.

Honestly i dont even know  how i feel, never mind i forgot- I feel mad,—dare I say, outraged. As the great philosopher and stoic ruler of our musical kingdom Ariana once said ‘right now I’m in a state of mind’

I haven't felt this way for a hot minute, and i was on a month long streak of not crashing out. Maybe I’ve gotten used to avoiding those feelings, instead of facing them.

 Ugh its starting to sound like a therapy sesh. Anyways, i think im too dramatic for my liking, but the feeling of being misunderstood doesn’t feel as great as i thought.

Darn my non-confrontational personality…i always knew it was my ultimate big shiny red button. I’m told it doesnt seem like i care, that i dont put in effort into things.

Ew its not about boys, I swear, haven’t unlocked the boy drama side quest yet, can’t wait to see what treasures i find when i do, ahem if i do.

 The problem is that i still don’t  understand the ever complicated hormone high landscape that is a teen girls mind. Surprise, I’m one of them, but unfortunately being one doesn't mean i understand, my guide wasn’t included in the teen-girl starter pack, and apparently, I missed the day everyone else got their instruction manual.

I know communication is key, but sometimes it feels like its the wrong one or maybe the latch is broken? Don’t tell me I’m the only one who feels misunderstood but talking things out seems like a good idea but you don’t want to seem like you're making something out of nothing and you don’t know if the hints are hints or you overthinking or your really dense like aunt Rachael’s brownies. Hah anyone? The key works both ways does it not? Its too hard and as previously mentioned i hate confrontation, and what if something bad happens cos if i did? 

Sometimes deleting every account and turning off my phone and running off and living in the middle of a forest forever does sound tempting… not like those mofos who want to ‘live in the present’ ‘and then inevitably redownload everything because the remember that they cant have their daily, er hourly, doomscroll sesh.