Feeling guilty that I did not study properly.

28F. So, the thing is, since childhood I have been a bookworm. I used to study all the time; my only hobby was reading a book from the first page to the last and trying to remember everything.

During the second year of my MBBS, I fell into depression, and since then everything became too much for me to handle. I used to cry all the time, and being myself put me into guilt constantly. I wasn’t able to study anything. I had issues with forgetfulness.

Somehow, I passed my exams on the first attempt, but I know I don’t remember much. I don’t remember the facts and concepts very well because I couldn’t study properly.

Now, I have made peace with the fact that I may never get a clinical seat on my own. I am doing private practice, but I always feel guilty that I am doing injustice to my patients because I feel I am not a proper doctor. I feel guilty day and night that I could not study enough, that I don’t remember a particular chapter from pharmacology or microbiology.

I have been battling depression for about a decade now, and I regret wasting my potential when I look at my batchmates finishing their PG.