book of what ifs,.. or book of regrets?

Hello everyone. I’m known by my friends and family as a very happy person. I never really talk about my problems in life because, for me, if you created your problem, then you should also be the one to solve it. But deep down, I can’t handle my emotions anymore, so I tried using this app to finally express what I feel.

I don’t know if I should continue college or not. To be honest, I feel lost right now. If I continue college, I feel like I will suffer a lot,.. not only physically but also mentally,.. because I think I will end up in the same cycle again. It’s tough to admit that I have problems, especially when I compare myself to others who go through much harder struggles. So I keep telling myself to just be grateful instead of complaining.

If I choose to work after SHS, I think it might be better for me. I want to be the one to support my own education. My parents are already senior citizens, and I don’t want to see them tired anymore. I want to take responsibility for myself however I think many people will rely to me and I don't want that, .. and I become financially stable because of my work I will surely and continue my college,, but I am thinking if this day comes do I still have the same decision?

One of my goals is to find myself, because I tend to care so much about other people that I end up leaving myself behind. I don’t know how to handle my emotions right now. Sometimes I feel like I want to disappear erase my name and never come back. I wish I were good at making decisions, but unfortunately, I’m not.

I had many opportunities back in Grade 11 organizations offering positions to me. I accepted them, but when moments of self-reflection and insecurity hit, I judged myself. And because of that, I quit. I didn’t quit because I was tired, but because I felt like I wasn’t good enough or capable.

I wish I were like other people who are confident in decision-making. Two choices can have a good or bad impact, and sometimes they lead to regrets. And for me, regrets are okay they’re hard to accept, but they become lessons.

I've read this quote somewhere,..

There are things that are good for you and bad for me, and bad for you and good for me.

From that quote, I realized that sometimes taking advice from other people doesn’t always fit your path. Sometimes it’s okay not to listen to others, because in the end, you only have yourself.

I hope I have a good future. I became really motivated after reading The Midnight Library by Matt Haig that book is one of the reasons I’m still alive today. It has so many quotes that felt like they were meant for me.

~ It’s never too late to pursue a dream.

• There is always perfect timing; leave it in God’s hands.