Undecided

Find myself shutting down my emotions again..

I feel like all of your friends are hiding things from me..

I should have never tried to tell myself they were my friends, they’re just being nice. If I were to stop talking to them I don’t think anyone would reach out or it would take them a while to even notice I was gone..

I’m always the one putting in so much unseen effort, I don’t know why y’all think anything is easy for me.

I don’t get why people don’t understand how sensitive my emotions are, how easy it is for me to become volatile.. how I don’t want to be like that so I have to always be diligent, I have to always be aware of myself and my surroundings and that’s exhausting, I’m so freaking tired, I’m tired. I don’t want to have to constantly keep up appearances, I just want to be myself by myself, where my feelings can barely be hurt but I don’t want to be alone, I want to go out, I want to have fun, I want lots of friends.. I hate having these conflicting feelings and thoughts.