Advice

My ex (M44) had a serious incident with our daughter (13) about a month ago. He was verbally abusive toward her while drunk, and then drove with her in the car while still intoxicated. She wasn’t hurt, but I picked her up the next morning without making a scene and got her out of there.

He hasn’t contacted me once since. No apology, no accountability, no attempt to discuss what happened. This isn’t the first time he has been emotionally abusive toward her while drinking, and she has already been in therapy because of a previous incident over the summer.

We do not have a legal parenting plan. I know I am not legally obligated to send her back, and she doesn’t feel safe going. But she does miss her little sister who is three years old, and that part is breaking her heart.

Yesterday he texted her saying her sister misses her and that they love her, but he still didn’t acknowledge what happened. Her friend grabbed her phone and blocked him because it upset her so much.

I am trying to support my daughter the best I can, but she is hurting. She is dealing with the abuse, the shock, and the complete lack of responsibility on his part. I want to protect her, but I also feel guilty that this means she isn’t seeing her sister.

What can I do to help her navigate the grief, guilt, and confusion? How do I support her while keeping her safe?