Just a burden

At the end of the day the entire thing was over dramatized. I spoke up and said that what you said hurt my feelings and you turned it to 'I hurt your feelings because in MY opinion you dont do enough and because of my anxiety.' I just wanted to be a person with feelings for once. But im not allowed because YOUR also a person with feelings and there has never been space for any consideration. And I know that because of how YOU treated me. And that's how its always been. Because of that i kept it in. When ive been wronged, disregarded, spoken negatively about or to, and gaslighted. And those unwanted painful memories haunt my days and nights. But that one says 'Those were in the past and we shouldn't bring up the past.' But what if it still happens the same way in the present? It doesn't matter because I dont do enough.

Maybe if everyone stopped worrying what others do or dont so things wouldn't be this way. I dont blame you for it because maybe we were raised this way. But I didn't. I kept to myself. Maybe that was also because I never did enough.

Even with grandma in the hospital. Every day YOU couldnt go without worrying about what others weren't doing.. even though you weren't even there alone. I was there the whole time. But i guess everyone, including me just, didnt do enough. And I shouldn't have asked you to go with me to that appointment i was anxious about. I should've known you'd come to me the next day saying YOU didnt get any work done because of it. I'm sorry for being such a burden.

After so many years of not speaking up. I made the mistake and did it again. I just wanted to be a person who's feelings you hurt but instead i was someone who doesn't do enough.