The way he did it was just evil [TW: brief CSA mentions]

I was born deaf. My parents loved me. But they weren’t emotionally adequate for the utter hell enrolling me into a Catholic school for the deaf would bring.

The nuns marveled at my ‘excellent eye contact’ and ‘emotional intelligence’ as an infant. In reality, I was just autistic and people were my special interest. I felt disconnected outside school, other sign language spaces, and I hated it. During recess, a priest at this school saw his opportunity and took it. He basically told me, “You need my help because you can’t hear.”

That was the first time I felt like I was just my disability. Usually I blamed others if they left me out, but this time, it totally felt like the issue came from within. Anyway, he ended up grooming and molesting me so effectively, I missed that he was the cause of so many of my deeper issues until I was 31.

Like, my DID/OSDD is mostly just versions of myself, then out of nowhere there’s demon alters. I had no idea why this was, thinking I had an overactive imagination + shame response. I blamed myself, my disability and my parents for my trauma. I still do, but now, I realize my disability and my parents were the easier targets.

This is an overwhelming terror I have to live with ever since realizing I was SA’d from 3 to 5 years old. I have no idea how to get rid of it. On top of that, most of the services people recommend on here to treat trauma are financially gatekept from disabled people.

I’m glad I learned about leftism before I learned about the SA, or the message of that would’ve reinforced the irony that he was right for something after all…