Never learned how to scream.

How do I explain? When speaking about it sets neurons on fire and all that I feel is shame. When trying to find the right words ties my tongue in knots and all that comes out is a whimper.

How do I tell you I know what you're thinking? I know how you see me, I see me too. That the silence is so loud despite the crackling of eggshells. That I shrink myself down to evade your gaze and pretend not to hear how you whisper.

How do I tell you I'm not okay? That my body is constantly in a state of fight or flight but all I can do is stand still. When Im shaking, quiet, unable to breathe. When my eyes can't meet another's and tears are a steady stream.

When my lungs are begging for release, but I never learned how to scream.

...

How can I explain when I can't find the words.. and why do I feel like I have to?