What’s the funniest thing your parent(s) got upset at you for?

Im 27f and have been no contact with my narc step-mom and enabling dad for about 8 years now. But I spent ages 7-18 in their house.

Obviously, my childhood was tumultuous and incredibly hard. I struggled immensely and still do with the abuse I received living with my parents. But every once in a while, I remember something that happened that I can’t help but laugh about.

For example: One morning I was making myself (as in, for me alone) a bowl of instant oatmeal. I eyeballed the water ratio, put it in the microwave for a bit, and took it out. It wasn’t quite done, so quietly and to myself, I said: "Awh man. Still too watery." My step-mom turned to me and just started screaming. She told me that I was a naive little girl if I thought that everything was just going to go my way all the time. Especially since I was so lazy and never put any real effort into anything. She told me the real world sucked and was miserable and I was in for a rude awakening when I end up my own. I just stared at her, likely agreed, and went back to my oatmeal. Which I just…. Cooked for longer and it absorbed the water.

Another time I was in the basement doing some laundry. There were some blank pages and pens and stuff down there so as I waited for the washer to fill up before I put the soap in (we used homemade soap shavings that got clumpy if you put them in first), I did some doodling. I was really into the band Of Monsters and Men at the time, and so I was just doodling their logo over and over. Their logo is essentially just an O, an M, a triangle, and another M. So OM▲M. The washer filled up, I put in the soap and moved on with my day. Later on, I got called into the kitchen by a very angry step-mom and a very solemn looking dad. She asked me why the hell I was doodling “Oh mom” everywhere and asked me why I was taunting her. At first I was confused, but then I realized what she meant. I tried to explain to her what it represented but she did NOT believe me. She accused me of WITCHCRAFT and that it was some sort of spell or something to hurt her? An additional funny aspect of this is that for Christmas a following year they got me witchy stuff like a smudging kit and the like, an interest/practice of mine they MADE UP. I’ve never been into that stuff, I think it’s interesting but I’ve never so much as researched it let alone participated.

One last example because it’s hard to choose lol. One time I had my friend over who was diabetic. She has type 1 and was diagnosed at 4 years old. We’re teenagers at this point, she’s older than me, I trust her to handle her own health. We were watching silly videos or a movie or something, so I go downstairs and ask my step-mom if me and my friend could have some of the candy in the cabinet. She looked at me like I asked if I could bludgeon our pets to death. She started tearing into me about how I was a horrible friend, who obviously wants to watch my friend die, and that if I knew ANYTHING about diabetics I would know that they cannot have more than half an apples worth of sugar a day or they’ll DIE. I explained to her that I’ve seen my friend eat candy many times, actually she has a far worse diet than I do, and she’s always been fine. (Not good in the long run, but not instantly dropping dead from sugar that’s for sure.) She told me to do what I want, but when I wake up tomorrow and my friend is cold and dead and “smells of sweet wine” to not come crying to her. We ate the peach rings and my friend survived somehow!

So now I’m curious! Does anyone else have any totally whacky stories about their narcissist parents? I know a lot of it is heavy and traumatic, but I can’t be the only one who had one that was sometimes so ridiculous it became comedy.