DAE feel caught between intellect and depression?

anyone else feel this way?

Really the crux of my career is that i perform well under pressure and have an educational background that can at least get me a job. the problem is after a few years I always quit usually due to 3 main things. insomnia, severe depression, and complete lack of interest. The irony of being praised for work I see as meaningless, that others see as crucial and extremely stressful..but I don’t because of dealing with way more stressful things my whole life.

sometimes when I’m on the job I’m on autopilot, doing the thing my coworkers think is difficult or fear doing, but I'm in my head the whole time thinking about times I almost died or the evil things I’ve seen people do. it really takes the stress out of work lol because comparatively, some legal action or claim has such low stakes. So someone files a lawsuit against us for a negligent employee. ok are we at fault or not? it doesn’t matter just go through the lawsuit and settle one way or the other. this is nothing compared to literally fighting for your life.

anyway I’m probably cooked lol