I had a 1-on-1 with someone in the literary world, and they suggested condensing my three paragraphs on plot/summary/characters/etc. down to one—make it even more concise. I know some maintain the three paragraph format; I'm not interested in a debate on formatting the query letter—I'll try both. For this though, I am hoping to get more insight into how the one paragraph sounds and how I might be able to make it even more concise.

Most importantly, is it still reading too much like a summary and less like a pitch? Suggestions on how to go about addressing that?

https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1lnnlc0/qcrit_adult_fantasy_pebbles_cascading_change/

Thank you!

Attn. [agent],

After reading your manuscript wish list, I thought my manuscript may be of some interest to you. [insert something specific]

PEBBLES CASCADING CHANGE is an adult fantasy novel. Complete at 114,000 words, this is a standalone novel with groundwork laid for expansion into a trilogy. It will appeal to readers who enjoy some of the darker elements and hidden magic of Richard Swan’s Grave Empire, themes around family, identity and belonging present in Simon Jimenez’s The Spear Cuts Through Water, and the political maneuverings of underdogs in James Islington’s The Will of the Many.

Miram serves her goddess Videntoir faithfully, so she is devastated when she is cursed with glimpses of the future—heresy punishable by death. Nearly as bad are the visions themselves: her mentoring priest making inappropriate advances on her friend. A gamble, Miram confides in her friend, implores her to escape with her, only to be rejected. Now exposed, Miram is forced to flee everything she’s ever known, and she barely gets out alive. Miram is later confronted with the truth: she has not been seeing the future all this time, but the past—a gift from the goddess, not a curse. With this revelation comes another shocking vision: war looms on the horizon. Committed to Videntoir with a newfound zeal, Miram feels obligated to prevent the war and reform the temple—to help her friend and others like her.

I’m a queer writer living in Columbus, OH. My first collection of poetry, Little Heresies, is due out in late 2026 by Wayfarer Books. I have completed a month-long residency with a fiction focus, have attended multiple writing conferences such as Literary Cleveland’s Inkubator, and have participated in Seventh Wave’s Narrative Shift digital residency.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration; please let me know if you have any questions or if you would like me to send the full manuscript.