Where does the motivation come from?

I don’t know if it’s cause I’m depressed or something but even after coming out and being in hormones for almost half a year now I don’t feel much better. So I’m kind a confused how people stay motivated. I know transitioning is supposed to change everything. I mean it literally saves people from killing themselves. Yet nothing for me as changed. I thought I would get better but it’s just switched toward major dysphoria where I hate my body and wanna die cause of me being trans. So I’m confused where did I fuck up in my thinking? Is it just me being a dumbass, gotta suffer longer, or what am I missing? I was supposed to improve in any small way but I’ve failed at that. At this point of should stayed in the closet with how I just feel like shit equally.