Boyfriend doesn’t have the same goals as me.

Hi eveyone! My (21 F) and my boyfriend (21 M) have been together for 4 years. In the beginning of our relationship, we both planned to go to college, get degrees, get married the whole thing. He eventually dropped out of school and I still stayed with him while I’m in school encouraging him to just do what will make him happy and reminding him that there’s many options. He got a good job that he could’ve used for experience to do even better things. Within the first week he said he hated it and he quit.

He’s now unemployed saying he’s looking for a job but doesn’t seem very eager to get one. I feel awful but it’s making me feel less attracted to him. I would like a future where my husband and I are 50/50 or my husband contributes more money than I do. I grew up having my dad be the breadwinner even though we weren’t ever rich by any means he still always made sure he worked hard.

I know I can’t be the breadwinner for my future husband and I. What career I’m going into allows for me to take care of myself but not a whole other grown adult.

He has done many things in the past that would make leaving him understandable. But recently I did try to end things and he said he’d change and begged for a chance to change. I’m giving him the chance. Other behaviors changed but now this job thing is happening and it making me feel like maybe he just isn’t my guy. I know there’s guys out there at are in school or graduated and want what I want.

We have a great bond and I do have love for him, his changed behavior treating me better has now made me feel guilty if I leave right now. Part of me does want to give him the time to change but I’m also worried that the longer this goes the more heartbroken he’ll be.

We were arguing for a while here and there which is the main reason I was going to end things. I think that if we argue again I’m taking it as my sign to leave.

I’m sorry if I sound cold hearted. I’m just tired and it makes me sad that he says I deserve better but won’t be better. He seems to want to be better to keep me but I just don’t think our future goals align anymore.

Mental health aside, I know where we both are mental health wise and if possible I’d like advice not centered around me considering where he is mentally.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Did they change or did you guys decide it’s best to split?

TL;DR I feel like my boyfriend and I don’t have similar future goals anymore but I want to believe he can change.