Partners family is ableist and I’m so exhausted

Hi yall

This is gonna be ranty, maybe not cohesive/in order and may leave out some details. I apologize. My brain is just a mess right now and I needed to get this out and its comforting knowing it will get out there to people who empathize with me.

Also, i selected the rant flair. But support or advice for dealing with this i guess would also be appreciated.

So I’m 24F, chronically ill and disabled. Ive been with my partner 4 years now, living with him for about a year and a half.

I do not work at the moment (i took a break from working to get some treatment, now I am looking for part time work but the job market can be rough.) he works and is the sole income earner. we dont have a lot of money but we make it work. and i am not eligible for any disability benefits since i live with him.

obviously i appreicate all he does and i recognize the stresses that come with his role in the relationship. i do everything i can to keep it “even” with my limitations, like errands and most of the cooking and cleaning.

anyway,

his parents HATE that hes with me because of my illness. they have made that clear. theyve always been judgemental of me and i put up with it.

sly, snarky comments to me here and there about my field of work (social work), my struggles to land a permanent role (but again the job market is awful), my relationship with my family as a complex trauma survivor. ive always put up with those judgements. not because he asks me to (hes made it clear i dont have to be around them), but because i love him and i know that his family is complicated but still important to him.

theyve never been kind and inclusive to me when ive been with them, a couple smiles and a few words exchanged but then im left out the rest of the day. i put up with it with a smile on my face.

also i guess worth noting that due to the nature of my illnesses and disability i have had to cancel plans a lot, like im sure many of us have. i would only do so on the days i absolutely couldnt. like couldn’t move from bed at all from the pain or exhaustion. i always would send my sincere apologies when i had plans to see them with him and id send him with flowers/baked goods/beverages in my absence, I always made those efforts and gestures.

anyways, ive always had a feeling about the ablesim but it wasnt confirmed fully until recently. i always knew they didnt approve but something happened that really finalized my feelings.

in august, i had to get surgery. (also relevant: we were living apart briefly at the time due to renovations on our apartment. we were staying with our family members in different cities).

he came down for the day to be with me when i got the surgery but had to go home that evening due to family commitments (it was a minor surgery and i encouraged him to return home to his family, he did offer to stay with me).

2 days after the surgery, his mom dropped the veil. she and his dad never asked how i was or anything about the surgery. but they DID ask “why do you stress yourself out like this?” with the most disgusted look on their faces. they did ask “shes always sick! when does it ever end!” “where do you even find these people?” “you do know that when someone has all these problems you can and should just leave them right?”, and went on and on. they also remembered to mention me being unemployed, again before even worrying how i was after SURGERY!

these comments cut so deep. like they thought i wasnt a person worthy of love, just a defective product he should return to the store before the warranty is up.

i have never been so hurt.

anyway.

in october they invited me over for the holidays.

(they thought they were saying these things behind my back - they didnt know inwas on the phone with him prior to that rant starting and that id heard). he told them no, shes not comfortable around you after how you spoke about her.

they just said well we thought she wouldnt hear, we just worry about you, we didnt say anything wrong etc.

i feel like im going crazy. i love him and want to be with him forever. i also know his family is important to him but, theyre not the type of people im comfortable around. i dont know how ill ever find a balance.