i've been remembering things

So, I've had this memory for my entire life and this always came back when people asked me about my first kiss.

I had just moved and was in a new school, I was four, and I had to stay there all day because of my parents' work. The only kid who stayed there with me was this girl, two years older than me, so, six? It all seems confusing, I don't feel like I remember it correctly, but I remember she pushing me against a wall in a corner at school and kissing me. She pressed her hand against my mouth and told me to shut up, and I think i remember something along the lines of "stop talking, that's how adults do it.".

I used to think about this weird memory that "probably didn't even happen" and felt like it was, idk, a dream. But the more i looked into it, the more i realized/remembered details about it that made me question if what happened was alright. I only recently discovered about "COCSA", and only now it's making sense.

I remember hating her throughout all the time I studied at that school, I even remember when I asked her why she kissed me. She told me it was because I asked her, "how babies are born". This whole story feels so weird, it makes me feel so ashamed, so weird to not remember correctly, to not know what happened.

I don't know what happened after that, I don't know if this was a one time thing or if she had done anything else. I remember she asking me to keep secrets, perhaps it was something regular, but, again, I don't remember it clearly.