I feel like life doesn't get better

I've spent the last 5 years of my life working on myself. Doing therapy, finding the right meds, working on my attitude and my self loathing. I used to hate the world, be angry all the time at how everything was and how no one seemed to care if it got better. Used to get mad at everyone. But slowly I fixed myself.

Became a happier person with friends and family that cared about me. Started looking for the positives in life. Got a job that actually felt like I could make a career out of, finally got a girlfriend after 8.5 years of trying and failing, had a good friend group that was reliable and filled with good people.

And now I the last 3 weeks everything seems to have fallen apart yet again. My girlfriend left me, told me she needed time to be single and work on herself, and then immediately got back together with her abusive ex I helped her escape from. I love this girl with all my heart and all I got was you are a good guy and a good boyfriend from her. All I have now is the hope that she'll come to her senses about this scumbag before he kills her. I'm sitting with constant fear in my heart right now because of this and she doesn't seem to understand why. She says she still wants to be friends and I want that too, if not for anything else but to be there for her when he shows his true colors again, but she barely respond to messages and doesn't seem to really care how badly hurting I am.

My job has gotten abruptly worse by nearly doubling our workload because the new big man doesn't think we do enough work all day. Mind you this man has never sat down and seen us work ever. Come to find out this is because our new manager right above us basically tells him we don't do anything all day which isn't true.

My dog is doing worse by the day and is eating less and less. I know she doesn't have much time left and I'm scared about how I'll be when she passes. I can't handle that on top of everything else right now.

My brother is going to move across the country for work, which is great for him truly, but just makes me feel stagnant because I'm stuck living at home with my parents since it requires 70% of your monthly take home to afford an apartment in this god forsaken country.

My car is falling apart and of course I live in a city with one of the worst public transportation systems in the country. I can't afford to buy a new car right now either with the way those prices have sky rocketed. I popped a tire on the way home from therapy and then I popped the spare all by just driving normally. No pot holes or anything.

My grandmother's not doing well, memory faltering badly. My grandfather too is suffering from kidney and back problems and they can't afford to get the proper care they need because they were teachers all their lives. I already lost my other grandmother a couple years ago and can't imagine doing that again now.

I thought I had mostly taken care of my depression but it feels like it's back in full force now, making me not want to leave bed or talk to anyone really. My parents are worried I know but what can I do or tell them? Life keeps knocking me down and I don't know how many more times I can stand back up.

In good news at least I've lost 15 pounds off my fat ass in the last 2 weeks. Not because of working out or eating better mind you. I've just been so sad and stressed and scared that I skip a lot of meals.

I feel like I've been doing the right things, working on myself in all the right ways, making the right decisions, but what do I have to show for it except more sadness and lonliness. And no one wants to hang with a friend whose a downer but what else can I be right now. I've spent years trying to be optimistic and find joy, and when I finally feel like life is moving in the right direction for me, it's all stripped away through no fault of my own. I feel like gods personal punching bag right now and I don't even believe in god.

I've got therapy again tonight, bumped it to two times a week now because of everything, can't wait to be told that I've got a lot of work to do again!