My ‘21M’ fiance lies, deflects, and makes me ‘21F’ feel like the problem is this fixable?

Hi, everyone! I’m really struggling with the way my fiancé communicates and I’m not sure what to think anymore.

When I try to express my feelings calmly he tells me I’m “attacking him” or “starting something.” Instead of listening, he gets defensive and flips the whole conversation onto me. I can’t bring up anything without him making himself the victim.

He says things like:

•	“I should be applauded for everything I have to deal with.”

•	“I do everything for you.”

•	“Oh yeah, I’m so awful,” or “Yeah, I’m such an a\*\*hole” in a sarcastic guilt-trip tone.

A few weeks ago he made a joke once about me not having friends, and when I told him it hurt me, he said I “only focus on the negatives” and wouldn’t hear me out without thinking I was attacking him when I just needed comfort and reassurance.

It doesn’t matter how gentle I am if I express hurt, he shifts the blame back onto me or gets super defensive which makes me feel alone and scared to tell him anything (literally told him this and then he got mad)

The situation that really confused me recently:

He lied to me about drinking and lied about getting a ticket. When I confronted him calmly, instead of acknowledging it, he made me feel like I was wrong for questioning him at all. Like I should just trust him and never ask anything even after he lied.

It’s gotten to the point where it feels like the only “safe” way to interact is pretending everything is okay and never bringing up problems or feelings.

I feel unheard, blamed, and honestly a bit emotionally dismissed. I literally feel as if I can’t say anything and constantly am ridiculed if I do (he also says things like “I do everything for you” and stuff like that)

Has anyone dealt with something like this? How did you handle it?

Any advice or perspective would mean a lot.