AITA for being upset that my partner (30M) won’t go down on me even though I do it for him?

Im (26F) and my partner (30M) and I have been together for over a year. In almost every area, we’re extremely compatible — emotionally, mentally, and in our values and goals. He’s someone I truly love and see a future with.

The problem is our sex life, which has been a consistent struggle.

For context, my previous long-term partner (we were engaged) and I lost our virginities to each other. That relationship had a very curious, generous sexual dynamic. Foreplay was normal and expected, and he genuinely enjoyed giving and exploring. It created a strong feeling of connection.

My current partner’s experiences were the complete opposite. When I told him my past relationship was about 70% foreplay, 30% skipping foreplay and getting to the deed— he was shocked because his history has been the reverse.

Recently, I got frustrated because it felt like he only wanted to get me “warmed up” just enough to have sex, rather than actually enjoying the process itself. It felt rushed and disconnected. I brought this up to him and asked, very directly, if he even enjoys giving oral. He admitted that a few bad experiences with past partners turned him off from it entirely.

I’ve always been very giving in that area myself — I genuinely enjoy it — so the mismatch has been difficult.

When we talked about improving things, he told me, “I want to work on it because you deserve it.” While I appreciated the sentiment, it rubbed me the wrong way. It sounded like an obligation rather than genuine desire, especially since my past partner actually loved it “for the love of the game”.

He has also told me multiple times that my hygiene and PH are great, so that isn’t the issue.

Another part of this is that he hasn’t made me orgasm once in the entire year we’ve been together. When he tries to “explore,” it feels goal-oriented or rushed, rather than intimate or mutual. The sex often feels individualized — like “you get yours, I get mine” — and I end up feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. Physical touch is one of my top love languages, so the disconnect really affects me.

I finally told him that I feel sexually disconnected and that I’m struggling to stay attracted in the moment because I don’t feel desired or prioritized. He seemed hurt and said he was trying, and now I’m questioning whether I was too harsh or unfair considering his past experiences.

So AITA for getting upset and telling him how much this is affecting me? Or was I justified in expressing that our sex life feels one-sided and emotionally disconnected?