My bf healed me :)

I am just so happy and I need to put this somewhere, so I'm putting it here (sorry for the long post 😭).

I'm 19F and my bf is 21M. We met actually fairly recently on a dating app, but I swear it feels like I've known him my whole life. We started dating a few days ago, and he's literally perfect in every way I love him so much.

I had a rough life growing up, my dad has been in and out of jail since I was 5, and when my mom remarried her husband would sexually abuse me from the ages of 11 to 16. This resulted in me not rlly trusting men (specifically older men) and having issues with guys touching me in any way (not just sexual). I also discovered that I have a medical condition called vaginismus which was caused by my sexual abuse. I could never be intimate w my ex bc of my condition and I would often have panic attacks if he touched me. I didn't like doing anything sexual with him which led to him doing sexual things with me unconsenually and I later broke up with him. Since breaking up with my ex I was only with one other guy, briefly, before I started seeing my bf, and that man forced himself on me as well.

When I met my boyfriend, we instantly clicked and it feels like we've known each other forever. He knows about my past and my condition and he's been nothing but supportive and constantly reassuring me he would never hurt me. Sometimes I feel like I'm able to do stuff of a sexual nature, and when we started doing that stuff he would constantly check on me, asking if I'm okay, asking if I need him to stop or if I want to continue, and he just makes me feel so safe. Every time he touches me I get full body chills and butterflies and he's never made me feel uncomfortable. We did have a close call when we were hanging out and it reminded me of what the last guy did to me and what my step dad used to do, but he immediately realized I wasn't okay before I even said anything and stopped touching me, asked if I was okay and when I got out of the bed he looked so concerned and worried. After a few minutes he asked if he could touch me and when I said no, he respected that (which is KNOW is the bare minimum, but every guy I've been with has not respected that). I ended up being okay and we just cuddled and watched my favourite show. Then, later that night we ended up having sex WHICH I DIDN'T EVEN THINK I COULD DO bc of my condition, and it was amazing, he was so careful with me, constantly checking on me and being so loving and it didn't even hurt at all, that's how comfortable he makes me. And afterwards I didn't even feel gross, or panicked, or uncomfortable at ALL which usually is how I feel after anything like that. I even was thinking about my step dad and I didn't feel scared or anything bc my bf was there and I knew he would never let anyone hurt me (he's 6'4 and does martial arts 🤭).

I just love him so much and he's healing me :)

TL;DR: My bf is an angel and is helping me get over my past trauma <3