I'm afraid to seek recovery

I've been diagnosed for about 3 years now, only just about to turn 18. On and off therapy for years though it never helped much, because i'm still stuck in the same household the situation happened in, with the same person. And i was treated mainly for different things.

Been reflecting on how my life's going and what i want to do in the future, but it all just leads to a huge mess of SI and severe anxiety attacks.

Truth is, i don't know where to seek help or other therapy, or how to even tell anyone at all about how i've been feeling lately. I've been dismissed by many doctors and the two people outside of therapy i've told. But how do i get the words out? What do i do when the fear of seeking help or trying to turn my life around outweighs the fear of things staying the same?