Bye for now

Went in for our first ultrasound at 9.5 weeks and unfortunately there was no baby to be found. Just an empty gestational sac, measuring right where it should be.

It’s crazy that your body can pretend for so long that it’s growing a baby for you. I had no bleeding, all the right symptoms, and zero reason to believe anything was off.

So many women in my life have experienced pregnancy loss. I’m saddened to be one of them now, but I’m also filled with a profound sense of empathy.

Since I haven’t passed the gestational sac, I still have to decide how to officially proceed with the miscarriage. I want to get it over with, but I also don’t want to relive the sadness.

We told so many people about the pregnancy and I hate having to reach out and share the news. I feel stupid for telling anyone so early. My husband and I planned to keep it a secret until the first scan, but we couldn’t keep our joy to ourselves.

I know we will get pregnant again, but I mourn the unbridled joy that we should have in that future moment. I don’t think I will be able to help myself from being fearful.

It’s been helpful to write all of these feelings down. Thanks for reading and I wish all of you a happy and healthy pregnancy 💛