Long-term consequences of "staying for love" (my mother had BPD, father stayed for 15 yrs)

Hi all,

here's maybe a reality check some of you might need to finally get out of abusive relationships, marriages, etc.

My father married my mother (probably pwBPD) and in the beginning, everything was nice. Over time, my mother started showing alarming behaviors — first verbally, then physically. She constantly cheated on my father, and he knew of this, and he continued to stay "for the kids" (in other words — because he did not love himself enough to stop the madness - if not for himself, then for us.) Not only that, my mother constantly called him names in front of us, assaulted him, ran off and returned a million times, tried to st*b him with a knife, abused me & my sister for years (both mentally and physically), and so on. My father still stayed. After fights, she'd sometimes give us all a silent treatment. The "treatment" usually lasted for days. One of her favorites after fights was also to run off alone or with me (a 5, 6, 7 yr old) - basically kidnap me and take me to my grandparents' house (they lived in another country, across the border) - and my father could not reach me and he would not know for days where his child was for days. One time, when she left me at the grandparents' house, she went clubbing and returned two days later. My father also told me that, while she was pregnant with me, she'd threaten to abort me as a way of punishing him. Etc...

Eventually, after 15 years of marriage, constant cheating and verbal abuse of both him and us as kids, my mother left with a new lover, a married man, who lived two houses down from ours. She found her "happiness".

My father, on the other hand, has been drained, traumatized, emotionally blocked, alone and in depression for the past 20 years - he's given up on happiness & love completely, and there's no way to help him anymore.

If you recognize yourself in any part of this story - please, run for your life. Don't make his mistake. Block the toxic partners, go to therapy to see why you're attracted to this - and never let them find you again.