Fostering... Who, What, When, Where, and How??

So, I've been sitting on this post for a while while I think of the best way to do it. Then I figured I may as well just do it. I can always add, update, and/or edit later. Sorry, there is no TLDR for this, but I'll get to one eventually I guess...

So, I feel like I'm often asked "why foster", "why are you a DD", "why are you a CG" and etc. Often I feel this is asked with being told I'm apparently one of a few DD/CG's that isn't very sexual at all (I can't back this up, have no evidence other than anecdotal, and wouldn't normally say this out loud anyway, though I do have references lol).

And the answer is simple, and deep at the same time. "I like it."

However, like I said, it's a bit deeper than that. I enjoy being a DD/CG/FD because it brings joy to people. Even if I'm only in someone's life for a little bit, or helping them through a tough hour, day, week, month, etc. I've always been a caring person, and spreading happiness is always infectious.

How does this relate to fostering? Easy, the entire point of fostering (in my opinion) is to help guide others. Weather that's for a day, a month, or over years. Just like one would foster an animal, or a child, my job as a foster is to care for what/who ever is in my care. It's my job to watch over them and leave them a better person than when they came to me. Again, weather that's just for a weekend, a few hours, or years, that's my job. And I'm always more than happy to do it! Sure, as a “normal” DD we guide and care for our little, but it’s different when you’re doing it for “your” little, than for a foster, or heck even a friend.

Now, for the one thing I’m “called out” for a lot, and I’ve had people badmouth me, and this sub for. “DDLG is a long term thing” or something similar. I’ve had people call me out for being a “fake dom” cause I wanted to start the foster page, cause “They are in it for the long haul, and are only going to use a little and discard them.” which is the farthest thing from fostering that you can get in my opinion. As I said above, my goal in fostering is to leave the person I’ve been looking out for better than they showed up to me. Someone once said “isn’t that babysitting?” and sure, you might be able to call it that, but it’s soo much more. “babysitting” to me implies I have to do it, it’s a “job”. Don’t get me wrong, in real life, and DDLG, babysitters are awesome people, but I don’t feel like they are “invested” in their charges. Not saying it doesn’t happen, or everyone is like that, but to me it’s more “clinical”. Compare it to Real Life, what’s the difference between a babysitter and a foster. That’s the difference in my mind. I’m here to foster growth, a safe space at all times of the day, help guide, and give all I can to those who choose to let me care for them.

Now, on to the part I really get called out for. The “temporary” aspect of fostering. I’m not saying that’s 100% true, I can’t say it’s 100% false. I’ve fostered littles for a month while they get over a break up, pick themselves up, find out who/what they are, and start moving forward again. I’ve fostered littles for a year while they look for their forever daddy. One of my longer term fosters I’ve recently adopted as my own. Fostering can be whatever it needs to be, but at it’s core it’s inherently temporary. Many see that as a bad thing, of course because of our type of dynamics we have in the DDLG community. And they aren’t wrong, but neither are they right. I can’t totally deny that they have “a leg to stand on” nor can I honestly say they make a good point. I can’t articulate why/why not honestly, but as I see the problem, they aren’t looking at it the same way I am.

Let’s be honest here, as this is why I’m here in the first place. Fostering isn’t for everyone, and that’s ok. It’s tough as a DD/CG, to care for these Littles, watch them grow as a person, become more comfortable in who they are, what they like, and what they enjoy, only to just let them go on to someone else. But, that’s the joy of fostering in my opinion. I gave someone a safe space to be who they are, to learn who they are, and to know what it’s like to be loved and valued. That means more to me, and brings me more joy than watching them move on to a forever home could bring me pain. I have left them better than they came to me, and that is my goal, my pride, and one of the hills I will gladly die on. Plus, no little I’ve fostered ever truly leaves. I have their memories, and still share a wonderful relationship with them even after they leave. Just cause I fostered them and they move on doesn’t mean they aren’t my friend anymore.

Speaking as a DD/CG, I can’t say how tough this is on a Little, but I’m sure it’s the same bag. Being attached to someone who helps you soo much, only to have them let you move on. And as the DD/CG, let me tell you it’s not about “letting you go” it’s about letting you grow. Personally, if I could adopt every stray little in the world, I would. Right away. With no regret. But I can’t, because I’m only one person, and couldn’t possibly give any of them enough attention to do any good. But I’d die trying. But I digress, I can see how it would be just as hard for a Little to let go of their Big, but again, it’s not about letting go, it’s about growing “up” and on. We help you to walk, so that you may learn to run. And that’s ok.

I’m not 100% sure I covered everything I want to in here, or everything I should have covered, but for now I think that’s about it.

Questions, comments? Leave them below and I’ll make sure to answer and address everyone. And at some point in time, update this to address new questions, comments, or concerns, and I hope at some point to have a FAQ for people to check out. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. And if you have made it this far, you’ll likely have noticed by now that this “philosophy” is basically tied to my username. And you would be right, it is. That’s why I chose the name soo many years ago, because I saw soo many little who needed the help, needed the space, and needed the love. So I did my best to step in and make a space where they could be picked up, carried forward, and not left behind. It’s a tough road to hoe, but one day at a time I work on everything I can to move my goal that much farther forward. Thank you for coming to my Little Talk (TED talk but better lol).