Your parents would rather die than look you in the eyes and says "I'm sorry." Let them.

I know how painful it is to wait for an apology you know will never come, but your abusive parents always loved their pride more than they did you. They were willing to hurt you to protect something that was going to destroy them in the end anyway. That is not on you. That is on them.

They have spent your entire life making the conscious decision to take their chances with God than make things right with you. They don't want to answer for their sins during while there is still an opportunity for reconciliation. They would rather do that when there is no do-over. When there are no second chances. When their pride is no longer strong enough to shield them from accountability. When all that's left for them is Judgement. The kind that doesn't lay off when they weaponize their tears and raise their voice. So let them.

They want you to give them grace for their mistakes, but they didnt make mistakes. They made choice. A mistake is when you step on someone's shoes. No one steps on the same person's shoes every day for 20 years. They knew what they were doing. You didnt. You actually did make mistakes. But you weren't given grace. You were given beatings. Insults. Threats.

Your mistakes didnt traumatize them for life. They mildly inconvenienced them for a few minutes and were forgotten about by dinner time. They dont need to see a therapist because they walked into your room and found a sock on the floor. They dont suffer from depression because of that one time you forgot to take the chicken out the freezer. They don't flinch at loud noises because of that one time you breathed too loud. They've said it themselves to those of you who tried confronting them, "they dont remember that."

All that abuse you suffered, it was for nothing. It didnt make you stronger. It damaged you and skewed your perception of everything, including yourself. And they will never apologize. They will take their sins to the grave with them because their comfort was more important than your safety. So let them. You got this far without their apology. That means you don't need it. You dont have to accept them as they are. Just accept that this is who they choose to be, and let God deal with their choice. That is what they want after all.