Christian man seeking insight. How can I grow in confidence without compromising my values?

Hi everyone, I’m feeling pretty shy and vulnerable sharing this, so I hope it’s okay to ask here. I’m a Christian man in my 20s who grew up deeply rooted in purity culture. That meant sex, desire, and especially self-pleasure (like masturbation) were taught as shameful or outright sinful. As a result, I’ve grown up feeling pretty disconnected from my own body and desires, and unsure how to navigate this part of my life in a healthy way.

I’ve dated off and on, but I find myself lacking confidence, especially when some of the women I’ve dated have had more experience than I do. I often feel embarrassed, insecure, or like I’m years behind in learning what’s normal or okay when it comes to sex, desire, or even simply allowing myself to feel pleasure.

I try to honor my values and wait for sex until marriage, but I struggle a lot with guilt and shame around any form of desire or relief, especially masturbation. I can go long stretches of avoiding it, but eventually I’ll “slip,” and the cycle of guilt kicks back in. I’m trying to break that cycle, not by abandoning my values, but by learning to make peace with the body and desires God gave me.

What I’m really looking for is insight, especially from Christians who might understand this struggle or who have had their own journey toward sexual confidence. I’d love to hear from women who can help shed light on their perception of a man like me, and how to build confidence, and learn to experience pleasure with grace and self-compassion, not shame.

If you’ve had experiences with this tension between faith and sexuality, especially around learning to feel comfortable with your own body, I’d be incredibly grateful to hear your thoughts.

I’m just hoping to gain a bit of freedom, peace, and maybe even a friend who can help me grow in confidence as I prepare for a healthy and joyful future relationship.

Thanks so much for reading.