I [23M] need advice for my relationship with [27F] on feelings and setting boundaries

Hello, my girlfriend (Chinese) recently asked me (German) if I want to go to a mixed spa/sauna with her during her next trip to Germany, even though she knows that I’m not a big fan of these.

First, some information about myself:

This relationship is very new to me. It’s my first serious relationship, and it has only been 6 months, which have been great, even though it’s long-distance (she lives in China and I live in Germany).

I try to fly to China at least every 5 weeks to see her, and she genuinely makes the same effort to visit me here. (I’m still a student and she works full-time, so it’s easier for me to visit her more often.)

Because I’m not used to being in a relationship, I sometimes don’t know if a small issue is actually a problem or not. I’m still learning when to trust my feelings and when something is simply fine because I trust my partner. I obviously do trust her, but I’m discovering certain boundaries for myself.

Two weeks ago, for example, I had to bring up a bigger topic: She was planning an overnight weekend trip with some friends and another possible two-week vacation with her friends. She never checked with me beforehand if that was okay. I genuinely don’t have a problem if it’s a girls’ trip, though it would be nice if she checked in with me first.

A few days before her weekend trip, she mentioned in a call that some men(she doesn’t know them personally) would also be there, but again didn’t ask me if that was okay. The next day I found out she was also considering doing the two-week vacation with some boys and one girlfriend, which gave me a bad feeling.

So I told her for the first time that I want to be informed beforehand when she goes somewhere overnight, especially if men are involved. I think that’s a reasonable boundary. I don’t mind that she’s doing overnight trips or vacations with mixed groups, but I don’t want her being the only girl with five guys or something similar and it would be nice not to discover that my girlfriend is doing a longer vacation with some boys over a social media post. And I do believe I’m not wrong for wanting to being informed about that. She understood that and apologised, after I brought it up.

Yesterday we talked about her upcoming visit and the topic of mixed saunas in germany where people don't where anything came up. She told me that in China she kept a towel over herself even in a women-only sauna because she doesn’t like showing those parts. I definitely don’t have any problem with that and if she was naked in a mixed sauna Im not a fan of it but if she does it, it is what is then. She also told me before that she doesn’t like the idea of me being in a mixed sauna, because I told her that I tried one once but for myself I didn’t like being in sauna cramped up with other sweaty people anyway.

Luckily I’m in a privileged situation that my parents house, where I still live at, has a bigger sauna, a whirlpool inside and bigger colder pool outside.

So I can enjoy these things here in private.

Now she told me in a call that she really wants to go to a mixed sauna/spa place here with me and that she definitely will go to one in the future, even though she doesn’t like being nude around her female friends/ other women and knows that I also don’t like mixed nude places that much and she also knows that I have all these things at home where we will stay.(My parents are gone for some time, so no one else is here) Plus she also knows that Im not a big fan of having her in a mixed settings with no clothes, which she also has a problem if Im in that situation.

So normally I wouldn't have a big problem with going there with my girlfriend, even though I think it’s weird, but whatever, but knowing all these things about her, I think it’s very weird that all of a sudden she wants to go to a nude mixed spa/sauna, but has a problem with showing everything when its only women.

Plus I have all these things at my home as already mentioned, so personally I don’t see the need to go to a public mixed place for that.

For me, it already feels a bit disrespectful that I even had to explain to her that I’d like to know when she’s staying overnight with a mixed group or with guys. And now, after we agreed that neither of us is comfortable with mixed nude settings, she suddenly tells me she really wants to go there with me someday and will definitely go at least once in her life. I thought we had just agreed that we both don’t want each other in that kind of situation, which she brought up.

So I’m not sure if I’m starting to get like toxic feelings in this relationship or that this is actually weird. Plus also starting to think that the single life as before is much more peaceful as these feelings that I have when problems like these come, really do disturb me and are making me much less productive.

Some advice would be very appreciated, as I don’t want to bring up another problem again, as this is tiring and I have other things to worry about. So I don’t know if I should believe my bad feelings about this or if there’s nothing wrong.

Also are my feelings in these two situations even justified? Or I’m a starting to get toxic, because I’m not confident in a way I guess.

Thank you in advance for the advice and different opinions.