Want it to be over

I fell in love with my online friend and was rejected. It’s understandable considering how dysfunctional my life is and how basically unattractive I am. But the pain is so deep and so alienating, I feel like all of existence is in some kind of conspiracy against me.

I can think of nothing but her and how beautiful of a human being she is and how inadequate I am to ever be desired by her. I am not going to harm myself because I am afraid of a negative afterlife. But I am constantly asking to die. I don’t really want to be me anymore.