My dad married a covert narcissist 10 years ago. Before they met, she had recently filed for bankruptcy and could not afford to live in her house or support her own two children. My father's family encouraged that he get a prenup (as this would be his second marriage and my brother and I were still in grade school). When she met my father's family, she crashed out at the house, crying in the bathroom, and calling my grandmother a b**** because she had found out about the prenup. Her first manipulation tactic on me was when she cornered me going down the stairs at my father's house to explain "her side" of the story telling me: "I was wishing my own mom was there and was calling my own mom a b*** because she's tough and would have protected me while I was being cornered."

My father (very unfortunately) married this woman after dating less than 1 year and they have now been married for 10 years. He used to be a man of the church, and settled for rushed court marriage which only further emphasized the fact that her heart was not in this for the right reasons. Since getting married, she talks often of money and how she bought this cashmere sweater/new car/furniture for a "great deal" to make it seem like she does not care about money. Additionally, as time went on, she found ways to make herself the victim in every situation and pinned my father against his own family. I would hear her downstairs talking about my family calling them nasty, disgraceful names and spinning the story that they treat her awfully. While on her side, she was crashing out texting them nasty things to his sisters like "If you love your brother so much, why don't you suck his d***". She caused an argument any time my father would attend an event that involved his side of the family. Eventually, it has gotten to the point that my father has now gone no contact with his 2 sisters and my grandmother.

My brother and I are the only ones who remain in my father's life. Every holiday now involves her family only and my father no longer sees any of his family. I now live far away in another state for work, but make it a point to come home for the holidays and see my family (all of them) which now requires a lot of driving for me on the holidays as my family is disbanded. When I am home, I do not have a lot of time, and my stepmother knows this and ensures that my dad's schedule is taken up by either going up to the lake house, to her family's parties, or them hosting all so that she can remain in control.

Yesterday at Thanksgiving, my dad and stepmom hosted. The only attendees were her brother, sister-in-law, their kids. Her own kids did not even choose to come and instead went to their father's Thanksgiving. The only people there from my family were my brother, my dad, and me. I live 700 miles away for work and do not get to see my dad often. During dinner, she seated herself on the corner of the table at a stool between my brother and dad. I later found out that she had spoken to my dad before the party and said "Don't get mad but I will sit here at the corner since we are hosting so that I can be up and down and into the kitchen while hosting". My dad had accepted this answer as truth and did not question it when I asked why she had to sit in between all of us when we get such limited time to see him as it is. During dinner, she did not get up once and ensured she could hear all conversations and in fact leaned her body across the table blocking my brother out from conversation. Any other time during the extent of the night that she saw my dad, brother, and I talking she would shout across the room to break it up hiding under the excuse of hosting with things like "Do you want dessert?" even though dessert was announced several times before this. Additionally, my dad has recently started talking to his mom/my grandmother again since she was diagnosed with lung cancer and went through a lung surgery. She had been returning his calls and he was not receiving them and assumed that she was calling the wrong number. When my dad showed me his phone log last night at Thanksgiving, I found that her voicemails and number were blocked. His answer was that this was "to protect himself", which is certainly a lie she has fed him, but he told me he wanted to remove this block on her number and asked me to do so. He does not even know how to use the blocking function on his phone. While we were talking about this and before I could help him unblock her number, she sharply said "Come on, we need to get the table ready - hurry up" and broke up the conversation. When I left the dinner, she was peering out the window. I brought this up to my dad and he said "She is a nervous person and that's why she does that plus the dog is out here so that's why she was checking." Again, an answer she has told him and what he believes.

Long story short, he is under a spell. Every logical way that is pointed out to him on how he has been manipulated he has an answer for (her answer that she has fed him and he believes). This is only 1% of the story, as there is way too much to out into words. This is not my dad, and I do not recognize this person he has become with her. I know that he loves my brother and I. He believes that this woman "loves and wants the best for us and to be happy" which is so clearly not the case at all. I love my father dearly and do not want to see him be with someone who does not have altruistic intentions for him which is what hurts me because he does deserve happiness and a pure, true love and happiness. Since being with her I can see how all the turmoil has aged him, grayed his hair, and sharpened the lines on his face which makes me incredibly sad.

Those of you that have been in this position: What have you done? Is there a way to defeat a narcissist? Is there a way to break the spell? If there isn't, what have you done to move forward with grace and strength?