need to rant TW // neglect, possibly depressing topic?

i just need somewhere to say it. i fully understand if the mods take this post down, but i just need somewhere to say it.

i am so tired.

i had been in the ER for the third time this year two days ago. infection after infection after dehydration after antibiotic after whatever else is coming my way.

doctor's say my lab work is fine even though there's abnormalities. i feel like shit all the time and i'm Positive something is wrong that they haven't found yet. i'm not mad at the doctors.

i'm mad at the two people i'm forced to live with because i can't hold down a job. i woke up sore, in pain, and suffering from my usual stomach/abdominal issues that i won't get possible answers for until i see my gastro next month. first thing out of her mouth? "let's go to the store because i need blah blah blah blah blah". i'm TIRED.

she makes me her little errand boy whenever she needs something. "anak, can u go in the store to get blah blah for me?" or, "anak, i need my medications" or, "anak, i don't feel like going to the store can u get this and this and blah blah blah and walk around while you have mobility issues and back pain and it feels like your abdomen is on fire and you can't breathe because you're walking and the world is spinning because you're already dizzy and a medication you take makes you even dizzier"

but it's FINE because i'm not "sick", right? because i'm so young i can't be anything other than healthy? even though there's tons of proof that age does not correlate with getting sick???? and there's totally not an entire stack of documentation for the last year of what's wrong with me?????? /sarc

i'm just so tired and i feel so alone but i'm so determined to make it through all of this to get my degree. i just wish she would call someone else or just stop neglecting my needs altogether.